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What If the Hunger Games Movie Had Been Made 10 Years Ago?

The standards for budget, special effects and an audience's tolerance for teenagers killing each other are much higher now than they were back in the early '00s -- a fact made extremely clear when Battle Royale was essentially banned from United States theaters. But what if this week's The Hunger Games movie had been released in 2002? (Yes, we know the book would've had to existed first, but just go with it.) Who would've starred in it? What would the music have been like? Would it have been better than the actual 2012 version? Let's speculate:

Safe House: The Bourne Rip-Off

by Ethan Alter February 10, 2012 6:10 am
Safe House: The Bourne Rip-Off

The fourth installment in the Bourne series -- which will omit Matt Damon's Jason Bourne in favor of a new super-spy played by Jeremy Renner -- isn't due in theaters until August, but the franchise gets its first unofficial spin-off in the form of the new thriller Safe House, which stars Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds as CIA spooks. No, neither of them is suffering from amnesia or out to avenge the death of Franka Potente, but the film's depiction of the CIA as a hotbed of corruption and treachery as well as the handheld shaky cam aesthetic that director Daniel Espinsoa employs throughout, particularly in the action sequences, is very much in keeping with the Bourne legacy.

Post-Hangover Digital Tweaks We’d Like To See

In the wake of a lawsuit filed by Mike Tyson's tattoo artist, Warner Brothers has announced that they will likely alter the Tyson-like ink that Ed Helms sports on his face in The Hangover Part II for the movie's DVD release later this year. Which got us thinking -- what other digital alterations would we like to see made to recent films? Thanks to the magic of computer technology, we can fix some key problems and -- who knows? -- maybe make a better movie in the bargain.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Five Movies the Trailer Reminds Us Of

The first trailer for the Planet of the Apes prequel/remake/reboot, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, has hit the Internet, and it looks pretty great. That's mostly because it looks nothing like Tim Burton's overwrought remake of Planet from 2001, but also because it seems to borrow as much from recent horror films as it does Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, the 1972 film that it partially draws on. Here are the other movies I couldn't help but think of as I watched the trailer.

Jennifer Garner as Miss Marple? We Can Think of Worse

Disney has acquired the rights to Agatha Christie's meek-old-lady-solving-crimes property Miss Marple and plans to turn it into a feature film reboot starring... Jennifer Garner, who is only 38 and primarily known for kicking people while wearing lingerie on Alias. So they're going a different way with it! A younger, and hence, more attractive way with it, which sounds like a financially sound trend that could really take off. Might we suggest even worse old people recasting/reboot ideas? Yes. Yes we might.

The Smurfs Trailer: What We Hated, What We Smurfed

In all the hoopla over the new trailer for Super 8 (which looks like J.J. Abrams taking on The Goonies, a.k.a. awesome), people have happily forgotten that yesterday saw the debut of the first full-length trailer for The Smurfs. Now, I'm only a moderate Smurf fan, but I've been dreading this movie since I first heard about it, because I knew it would be a train wreck of Garfield proportions. Unfortunately, the trailer does not seem to be proving me wrong, as there are numerous elements that have dreading the day I will be forced to see it for review purposes. As a sneak peek of that review, here are the things I found the most annoying, terrifying and disgusting about the trailer.

Singers We’d Like to See in the Bodyguard Remake, and the Men Who Guard Them

Can you believe it's been almost 20 years since The Bodyguard came out? Whitney Houston was a youngish 29, and not yet crazy, and Kevin Costner played the man hired to keep the threatened pop singer safe. Well, now plans to remake the movie have resurfaced, and Warner Bros. is looking to cast an international pop star in the lead role. While Rihanna was suggested for the part almost two years ago, nobody is attached to this new iteration, so we thought we'd envision how the story might be tailored to today's biggest stars, and who might be hired to protect them.

Fletch Lives Again, But Who Should Star and Who Should Direct?

It's one of the great crimes of Hollywood that there was only one sequel to Chevy Chase's 1985 mystery-comedy Fletch, especially since there are actually nine books about reporter Irwin M. Fletcher, plus two about his son, and the sequel wasn't even based on any of them. One of Chase's greatest roles, Fletch was a charming, cocky chameleon, with a list of aliases as long as his arm and a snarky response always at the ready. After years of us dreading a Kevin Smith-directed reboot, Warner Bros. has acquired the rights to the character, and we're excited to think about who might take over the director's chair, not to mention the highly sought-after role. Ben Affleck, Jason Lee and Josh Jackson have all been attached in the past, but we've got our own set of nominees.

Schwarzenegger Remakes We’d Rather See Than Total Recall

Remake Total Recall? Blasphemy. Granted, Paul Verhoeven's 1990 re-imagining of the Philip K. Dick short story "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale" wasn't exactly faithful to the source material, but then, neither was Blade Runner, and both are masterpieces in their own way. With Colin Farrell stepping into the lead role in the film, which will take place entirely on Earth, they might as well change the name entirely, and leave Recall's legacy untainted. Or, better yet, remake these other Arnold Schwarzenegger films that could stand to be updated for the new century.

Hanna-Barbera Cartoons That Deserve Movies More than Yogi Bear

Watching the trailers for Yogi Bear makes my eyes hurt. Not only because of the computer-generated fur on Yogi and his pal Boo-boo, but because I'm picturing the horrible future that awaits us if the movie succeeds. Snagglepuss! Huckleberry Hound! Quick Draw McGraw! All of these funny-voiced animals are on the list of Hanna Barbera creations that could conceivably get a crack at the big screen if Yogi does well, and while I have fond memories of those characters, I simply can't see how any of them would make good movies. The worst part? Hanna-Barbera made hundreds of cartoons, not all of them starring animals, and some of them would make amazing movies. In fact, Warner Bros. is developing a movie based on the adventure series Jonny Quest for 2012 -- granted, they first tried back in 1995, but this time I hope they'll be able to make it stick. Here are some other HB properties (yes, even a few talking-animal 'toons) that I think would be great big-screen spectacles.



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