11:00 AM – 12:00 PM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!
Kiefer kombustion

Blip blip blip blip blip. 24. Terrorists are plotting to assassinate a presidential candidate. My wife and daughter have been kidnapped. And now that I got the Golden Globe, Ted Casablanca is writing blind items about how I'm stepping out on my wife and partying way too much. My name is Kiefer and this is the longest day of my life. Blip blip blip blip blip.

Previouslys. Palmer learns from Kreepy Karl that power has a price and that price must be paid, and therefore Theo's shrink needs to be murdered. Igor is told to murder the Kieferettes, but they kill him first. Nina tells SubstituteKiefer that she doesn't know where Kiefer is. SubstituteKiefer doesn't believe her. All Kiefer wants is to get his family back and, apparently, make out with a very bloody FauxYork. The following takes place between eleven and noon on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Et cetera.

California multi-lane freeway featuring unremarkable scenery. In fact, I'd say that this is the exact generic image I have in my mind whenever Dionne Warwick sings about how "L.A. is a great big freeway / Put a hundred down and buy a caaaaar!" Kiefer and FauxYork are driving to the TerrorKompound, only FauxYork is refusing to tell Kiefer exactly where they are going, opting instead to give him driving directions on a need-to-know basis. The screen splits, and SubstituteKiefer has everyone gathered in the Kiefer Kube so she can tell them how much progress is being made. Uh, Alberta? I think your workers know that progress is being made, since they are the ones making said progress, while all you've done since you assumed power at CTU is to stare at Nina through the vertical blinds. But thanks for the positive feedback, Empress Alberta. However, she maintains, Senator Palmer is still in danger. And speaking of Senator Palmer, the screen splits again to reveal him leaving the elementary school sans Lady Mac. He pushes his way through the press and his huge Secret Service detail and gets into his limo with Poor Man's Hume Cronyn. But Alberta DeVil isn't finished with her staff meeting yet. Katching Kiefer is a top priority for CTU, according to her. Reaction shot of Nina looking busted. Another top priority is finding out more about Faux-tographer. Reaction shot of Soul Patch looking busted…or thinking about having some new headshots made, I guess.

As the FauxYorkMobile draws nearer to the TerrorKompound, Kiefer calls Nina to brief her on his whereabouts -- somewhere in North Hollywood. He needs satellite photos of the surrounding area so he can identify "structures and personnel." He asks her to download these images and send them to his Palm Pilot via the fabulous CTU WhateverTechnology. Oh, and then, since it's a few minutes past the hour, it's time for Nina to ask Kiefer to turn himself in as Alberta is turning up the heat. Only this time, Kiefer agrees with her…sorta. He promises to call Alberta once he knows that the Kieferettes are safe and back up Nina's klaim that she knows nothing about Kiefer's whereabouts or activities. Nina hangs up her cell phone, because a bunch of Calvin-Klein-clad extras are walking by. Soul Patch comes by to ask Nina if she's going to tell SubstituteKiefer about FamousOriginalKiefer. They discuss the potential trouble they may be in, and Nina concludes that she will have to live with her mistakes. "I appreciate you looking the other way on this," says Nina. "But don't feel like you've got to help me cover for Kiefer anymore." "I'm not doing this for Kiefer," says Tony, glancing down at her pubic area and then stomping off to do work or something. Nina gives the camera a sweaty, haunted look and then returns to her desk. A POV from the Kiefer Kube reveals that Alberta is watching Nina's every move through the vertical blinds.

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