5:00 AM – 6:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now!
Can you dig it?

First, Kiefer voiceovers how this is going to be the longest day of his life. Then they flash the "24" animated logo. Then they do the previouslys. Serious people are out to kill Senator David Palmer, and his wife can't believe their son could be a killer. I can't either, 'cause I can't fathom the idea of anything exciting happening in that family. Bride of Kiefer…I mean, "Teri Bauer"…is at St. Mahk's Hospital, waiting for PMMS to wake up and tell them where Spawn of Kiefer is. Mr. York promises to remain by her side until they find her. Ira Gaines kills Evil Frat Boy #2. Kiefer…I mean, "Jack Bauer"…convinces Mason to trust him. The following takes place between five AM and six AM blah blah blah.

Frederic Fekkai City Hospital. PMMS is still flat-lining, and a team of about eight doctors is gathered around her trying to bring her back to life with that specialized one-on-one patient care they are famous for in city hospitals across this land of ours. Bride of Kiefer and AllegedYork watch the doctors do their thing through an observation window. You see, in the rest of the country, operating rooms do not have these windows, because family and loved ones tend to freak out when they see the shit that actually goes on during an operation. I personally get creeped out when someone looks over my shoulder and watches me work. "Hey, shouldn't that logo be bigger? Do we have an extra copy of that thing you just deleted? Are those funny marks gonna be there when you print that out?" So I can only imagine what it's like if, say, instead of a computer graphic designer, I was a doctor and the person looking over my shoulder was the parent of the accident victim on which I was performing emergency surgery. "Is that the right scalpel? Did you wash your hands? Are you sure my daughter is sufficiently anesthetized?" I'd freak. Actually, I have a saying that I employ on the job on occasions like these. When a client of mine is getting on my nerves and won't let me work in peace, I tilt my head condescendingly and say, "I'm sorry, Mrs. So-and-so, but you'll have to go back and sit in the waiting room while we operate on your son." Believe it or not, this always gets a laugh out of the client and it actually convinces them to leave me alone.

Bride's cell phone rings. But before she can answer it, one can plainly hear "paging Dr. Ehrlich" over the PA system, which is -- so far -- the biggest shout-out I've ever received. It's Kiefer, wanting to know if Janet's out of surgery yet. Bride mentions a "complication," and Kiefer warns her not to let anyone near PMMS who doesn't "belong" there. Bride is all, "What do you mean?" Kiefer is all, "Janet's life may be in danger," and promises to explain later when he gets to the hospital. That beeping noise goes off in the OR, which always means something really bad is happening. Bride hangs up with Kiefer and goes back to the observation window.

Nina waits outside of CTU in the moist parking lot, wearing a pair of latex gloves, and I don't even want to know. Kiefer pulls up in a compact car that is not the Kiefmobile. "Whose car?" she asks, snapping her gloves. Kiefer pops the trunk and shows her the thumbless body from last week that he wants identified. Apparently I was right about there being no thumb on the body…but that's because there are no digits on the body, period. Someone ripped off the face, pulled out the teeth, and removed all the fingers so the body couldn't be identified. "Call me as soon as you've got a name," says Kiefer, giving her the car keys too. A chopper can be heard landing nearby. Kiefer asks Nina to cover for him while he signs out the chopper for "personal use." Nina asks him what he needs the chopper for, so he tells her all about PMMS being in the hospital and how she might help him find Spawn. He gets aboard the chopper and calls "hospital security" on his cell phone, asking them to beef up things for PMMS. Just as Kiefer gets airborne, Soul Patch appears and gets in Nina's face about the fact that Kiefer just requisitioned the chopper for personal use. Nina tells Soul Patch that Kiefer is "tracking a lead." "And ignoring protocol again!" says Soul Patch, who is ignoring some office protocol of his own by not doing an iota of work for the past five hours. Again, Soul Patch wants to get to the bottom of Kiefer's flighty behavior since midnight and discuss it endlessly with Nina. "Stop following me!" says Nina. "I prefer to think of it as watching your back!" says Soul Patch, whose "patch" incidentally has gotten really small all of a sudden. But I'll let it slide, because if there's any character in this real-time drama who'd actually have the spare time to go to the men's room and trim his facial hair, it's Soul Patch.

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