9:00 AM – 10:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: A | 2 USERS: A+
Ladies with an attitude

Blip blip blip blip blip. 24. Longest day of Kiefer's life. Blip blip blip blip blip.

Previouslys. An attempt is made on Palmer's life. Kiefer loses the earpiece and begs Gaines to spare the Kieferettes as he is hauled into kustody by the Secret Service. Poor Man's Hume Cronyn tells Palmer that Kiefer made the assassination attempt. Kiefer eskapes and kalls Nina. Bride takes a bullet for Spawn, steals Eli's cell phone, and kalls Nina. Jalapeno is the mole and she's just slashed her wrists. Real time. Day of the presidential primary. Et cetera.

Bird's-eye view of downtown L.A. traffic. Helicopters. Expository news radio broadcast about how no information is available to the public regarding the Palmer assassination attempt. Oh, and there's also a traffic report about how the "freeways are looking pretty good!" Only at first I thought they said, "Three-ways are looking pretty good." Palmer and Lady Mac ride somewhere in their limo and listen to the news. At CTU, a couple of hunky EMTs strap BloodyUnconsciousJalapenoSpice onto a stretcher, but not before making the acute observation that she's "lost a lot of blood." Soul Patch and Nina watch with a mixture of sadness and frustration as Jalapeno is taken from the archives room. Jalapeno is wheeled through the main floor of CTU past all the extras, despite the fact that the archives room is near a back entrance that can be accessed by car -- as we learned when Nina got back to CTU after being shot. This requires Nina to make an announcement that Jalapeno tried to take her own life, and that everyone has to get back to work. Everyone groans as if they're a bunch of high school students who've been given homework over spring break. Then Nina makes Soul Patch call Jalapeno's mom to tell her the bad news. You delegate, girl!

Kiefer's in the new Kiefmobile. He calls Nina on his new speakerphone and thanks her for the "care package" inside. Nina tells Kiefer that Bride of Kiefer called but had to hang up before they could trace the call or learn any important information. Kiefer komplains about being chased by the police. Nina suggests he turn himself in. Kiefer kounters her argument by klaiming that Gaines will kill the Kieferettes if Kiefer is in kustody. Nina goes to her komputer and looks up the lokation of the police roadblocks so that Kiefer can cirkumvent them. Kiefer asks after Jalapeno, and learns that she tried to kill herself. Expositorily, Nina explains that Kyle is still at CTU, but didn't see anything, and that Jalapeno's mother is coming to pick him up. Kiefer kommands her to have some agents stake out Jalapeno's hospital bed so she'll be kwestioned when she regains konsciousness. "Right now she's our best source of information," says Kiefer, trying to avoid various police cars that appear in his line of vision.

Back at The Stable Of Sensuality, Bride of Kiefer tries the cell phone again while Spawn of Kiefer stands guard. Spawn's hair has either grown or acquired a lot of body in the last few minutes. Hee! At CTU, the phone rings, but no one is answering it and Nina is busy helping Kiefer so she's all, "Soul Patch? Line three?" Nina's gonna pay for that in bed later on, I tell ya. Soul Patch reluctantly answers the phone, and Nina tells Kiefer that the police have put an APB out on his ass. Soul Patch tells Nina that Bride is on the phone. I don't know what they've done with the real Soul Patch, but for some reason he doesn't interrogate Bride for a half hour about what she sees in Kiefer; instead, he actually transfers the call over to Nina posthaste. "Do you know where Kiefer is?" asks Bride -- a question she has probably asked Nina before, if you catch my drift. Nina konnects her to Kiefer. She doesn't use the actual words "three-way call," but you know she was thinking it. Okay, you know I was thinking it. Soul Patch walks by, and Nina tells him to march his pretty little ass over to Milo's desk -- which is a whopping three feet away -- and have him put a trace on the call. I want to see how far Nina can go with this new found authoritas. "Soul Patch? These are my mother's panties. I want you to wear them on your head for the rest of the day. Don't ask questions! Palmer's life is in danger! Move!!"

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