Day 2: 12:00 AM – 1:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B- | Grade It Now!
No Blondes For Oil!

Electric Blue Kiefer. Electric Blue Spawn. Electric Blue Palmer. 24. Previouslys. Bitchelle appeals to Kiefer to try to stop the military action based on the faked Cyprus recordings. Syed Ali is assassinated, and Kiefer calls Palmer to have him reconsider retaliating. HisPanic takes Spawn hostage and kills MenacingStoreOwner. The SeventhCoralSnake calls Kiefer. He knows who faked the recording, and he demands that Kiefer bring him Cate in return for proof. Soul Patch tries to prevent Kiefer from removing Cate from her debriefing…with a gun.

Kiefer and Cate run into the CTU parking garage and head for the Kiefmobile. Two not-lovers on the run. It's a Tiffany song. Cate stops, however, and demands to know what is going on before she gets into the car. "Do you trust me?" says Kiefer in his sweatiest sexiest trademark Sutherland whisper. "Cate? Do. You. Trust. Me." Cate mulls over this for a while. Maybe he's going to ask her if he can take nude Polaroids of her. I mean, sure, she'll do him, but trust is another issue altogether. Finally she admits that she trusts him. Like anyone can say no to the Kiefer and his velvety voice. Although he hasn't given his "word" yet, and that's always seals the deal. Kiefer tells her that all will be explained in the car, but they have to go now. Or should I say, "now!"? They enter the Kiefmobile.

Meanwhile, inside CTU, Lesbo-Carrie finds Soul Patch lying in the hallway after Kiefer decked him. Soul Patch's ankle is hurt. Of course, those of us who read up on these things know that Carlos Bernard has hurt his ankle in real life, so this latest plot twist has been formulated to explain the cast on his leg. Lesbo-Carrie runs to get a medic. Soul Patch tells her to call security and make sure that Kiefer and Cate don't leave the premises.

The Kiefmobile approaches the gate. The (African-American) security guard is opening the gate to let the Kiefmobile out when his phone rings. The guard is just about to stop the opening of the gate according to his instructions from Lesbo-Lesbo-Carrie when Kiefer steps on the gas and plows through all the same. Fortunately, the black security guard does not die. Kiefer asks if Cate is "okay," and starts to explain the situation: the US is about to retaliate against those three Middle Eastern countries for planting the B-O-M-B, and a full-scale war will result "which will effect every country on this planet!" "What does this have to do with me?" asks Cate. Yeah. What does this have to do with Cate, besides the whole "love interest" thing and all? Kiefer explains that someone called him who said he had evidence that the Cyprus tapes were forged. "He wouldn't give me any other information unless I brought you to him," says Kiefer. "Who is this man?" asks Cate. Kiefer doesn't know, but he intends to find out. He promises to protect Cate, but asks her to decide what she wants to do since her involvement will help stop WWIII. "I'm not going to lie to you," says Kiefer. "But I don't know what else to do and I'm running out of time."

Back at CTU, Lesbo-Carrie returns to Soul Patch's prostrate body with the promised medic, a dyke-y-looking African-American woman who examines his ankle, determines that it's definitely sprained, and goes off to get the first aid kit. She doesn't die either. Soul Patch asks Lesbo-Carrie about Kiefer. Lesbo-Carrie informs him that Kiefer krashed the gate and got away. However, she's alerted the LAPD and the FBI, who are now on the lookout for him. You know, if I were a policeman in L.A., I'd be so sick of hearing yet another APB over my radio for either Kiefer or Spawn, only to have them be lauded as heroes a few hours later. At some point, I'd just be like, "Make up your mind," and finish eating my doughnut. "I don't think Kiefer was acting alone," says Lesbo-Carrie. Soul Patch asks her to explain, and Lesbo-Carrie gives him a blow-by-blow of how Bitchelle interrupted the debriefing between HotAsianFromAngel and Cate, allowing Kiefer to swoop in and grab Cate. "So Kiefer was using that as a window," says Soul Patch. "Doesn't mean they were working together." Lesbo-Carrie insists, however, that Kiefer and Bitchelle were talking to each other beforehand and that it looked suspicious.

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