Day 2: 4:00 AM – 5:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!
When the chips are down...

24. Damn! No graphic violence this week. Previouslys. Palmer feels out PoorMan'sHumeCronyn for any hidden regrets or disagreements. PoorMan'sJoeLieberman calls a meeting with the cabinet to invoke the 25th Amendment. Spawn is legally off the hook for everything that happened that morning, since NoDaddyNo is the police department's number one suspect. Chappelle can't relieve Soul Patch of his duties, because he just doesn't have anyone to take his place. The sandblasting rednecks have Cate and the chip until Kiefer bursts in, armed to the teeth. So they lock themselves into the bathroom with the chip and threaten to smash it.

Kiefer's still outside that bathroom, pounding on the door like a Brady sibling waiting for Marcia to finish brushing her hair. "Ninety-eight…ninety-nine…" He lays on the Sutherland velvet and begs for the chip, even explaining that it has important information on it about who was really responsible for the B-O-M-B. He even gives a velvety promise of total amnesty once they open the door and turn the chip over. Kiefer gives them thirty seconds. Meanwhile, Cate butts in and is all, "What do mean they can go free, they tried to kill me?" Kiefer has to give her an extra-velvety assurance that millions of lives depend on this chip. One of the rednecks begs the other to give up the chip already. The Redneck holding the chip, however, is hesitant to trust Kiefer; after all, Kiefer killed one of their own just moments earlier, and now, without the chip, they'll have no bargaining power. "You don't have a choice," says Kiefer, explaining that the rednecks have got to trust him. The rednecks start struggling over the gun, and it accidentally goes off. Kiefer shoots his way in and orders the men up against the wall. HesitantRedneck drops the chip on the bathroom floor. "Where's the chip?" barks Kiefer. HesitantRedneck shows him where he dropped it. Kiefer has Cate go fetch some wire so she can tie the rednecks up. The chip is now in Kiefer's hands!

Meanwhile, at that cold tall glass and steel building known as "Division" -- also known as the least catchy location ever -- where armed guards stand at attention outside of the lobby like this is some Soviet Government building, Palmer is reading a briefing inside his sleek but lifeless temporary office. There's new music. It's this eerie minimalist (what else?) string piece with lots of scary double bass. PoorMan'sHumeCronyn enters, and Palmer tells him that he just learned that the bombers did not return to their bases as he ordered. PoorMan'sHumeCronyn, by way of an answer, asks Palmer to come with him. "What's this about?" asks Palmer. "It's very important, sir," says PMHC. Palmer ultimately refuses to follow PMHC until he knows what's going on; Palmer even pulls a Presidential diva moment about who orders whom around. PMHC tells Palmer that certain cabinet members are questioning whether Palmer is fit to continue as President. "And these people are in my conference room?" asks Palmer. "In a manner of speaking," says PMHC. "Then let's go see them," says Palmer.

They walk into the teleconference room, which totally looks like one of those Tokyo love hotels. It's all pink and metallic and has all these electric deco lanterns all over the wall. Palmer sits at the conference table, and all of the Super Friends are there on video. Wow, I was wondering who they cast as the Secretary of Agriculture or the Secretary of Transportation. Now I know. At last, Palmer is face-to-face with PoorMan'sJoeLieberman, the man who has been avoiding all his calls because he was in fact about to betray him. And at this point, I just have to ask, how did Palmer become so bad at hiring personnel? I mean, great president, but not a shrewd judge of talent. When your Vice President, whom you picked, leapfrogs over you and tries to grab your seat, what kind of questions are you asking in these interviews? Is there any way you could stop hiring such crafty, sleazy people? Or at least teach the ones who aren't sleazy and crafty to run fast. "So now I see why I had such a hard time reaching you today, Jim," says Palmer, brilliantly using humor to ease himself into the situation. PMJL apologizes and starts orating about "measures" and "history." Palmer has him cut to the chase. "We are invoking the 25th Amendment," says PMJL. "Who is 'we'?" asks Palmer. Anyway, the guy who was the lead in Pippin on Broadway and also played the older brother on Family has gotten really old. So old that he's playing the silver-haired Secretary of State, who is teleconferencing from a passenger jet. Anyway, he's also the voice of reason, or the swing vote, or whatever metaphor you want this episode. He tells PoorMan'sJoeLieberman -- who I guess we should now start calling PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig (tm Suekel) now that he thinks he's in charge -- that a lot of the cabinet is undecided and "scrambling," and therefore it's way too early for him to be speaking for the group until they've all heard the charges. PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig begins to discuss the fourth paragraph of 25th Amendment, which basically states that the cabinet can vote to relieve the President of his duties if he's unable to carry out his term, leaving the presidency to the Vice President. Palmer argues that the 25th Amendment was referring to the possibility of a President being ill or incapacitated. PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig spins it and argues that Palmer is unable to carry out his Presidential duties, but they don't need to supply the actual cause of the disability, or something like that. Apparently, they've gotten the okay from the Attorney General and everything.

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