Day 2: 4:00 PM – 5:00 PM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C+ | 2 USERS: A+
Pardon me!

Due to some violence, viewer discretion is advised…even though that violence is just a metaphor for sexuality.

Previouslys. Wieland is free and telling the world about the B-O-M-B, and everyone thinks Lady Mac set him free. Spawn tells PolicemanWithSpeakingPart about the B-O-M-B. Apparently, Papa Crew works for the CIA. Cate and Mikey Palmice are kidnapped after they go through Papa Crew's secret files. Nina kills Faheen after she finds out where the B-O-M-B is. Or where the B-O-M-B is supposed to be, anyway. She uses her knowledge to leverage herself a better deal, but before that can happen, Flight 69 goes down.

NSA. Wieland can be seen on a television describing his six-hour imprisonment, and Lady Mac is on the phone with various people trying to do damage control and find the source of Wieland's information. The television is turned off by a mystery hand. It's Palmer, wanting to know how Wieland got released. Lady Mac swears she had nothing to do with it. "I swear on the lives of our children." The lives of Theo and Li'l Lisa? Oh, I hope that she did release Wieland. PoorMan'sHumeCronyn enters and summons Palmer into his office. They sit down in front of a laptop, and PMHC plays Palmer a Quicktime Whatever Movie made from the surveillance cameras stationed outside of Wieland's cell. Armus can clearly be seen letting him out. D'oh! Palmer demands to know where Armus is. PMHC tells him that no one knows where Armus is, but assures Palmer that he'll be found. "Whoever he's working for is trying to keep me from finding this bomb!" says Palmer, getting overexcited. Um, Palmer? Exactly where are you looking for this bomb? Under the cushions of your Corbusier sofa? CTU is looking for the bomb. You are merely sitting in on a variety of policy meetings, firing people, and having fights with your ex-wife.

Meanwhile, Flight 69, which was just hit last week…I mean, a "few minutes ago," is looking from the outside like a winged vibrator whose batteries are running low. (Sorry!) Inside, Kiefer enters the kabin from the kockpit where he's just konfered with the pilots, and tries to kontrol the khaos. And by "chaos," I'm referring to the bouncy camera work giving the illusion that there's all this turbulence, even though the view from outside Flight 69 doesn't show any such shaking. As everyone bounces around, he tries to assure Handsome Black Agent Du Jour, PoorMan'sSeanAstin, and everyone else on board that the pilots think they may have found a safe place for a krash landing. Thanks for relaying that message, Kiefer. Now no one has to pay a couple of actors to play the pilots. Then Kiefer walks over to a Whatever Konsole, straps on some headphones, and gets on the phone with Mason. Apparently, these two unseen pilots had the presence of mind to try to land the plane and tell Kiefer where they're going to land (a riverbed in "Sector J"). They've given him coordinates and everything (34-30-44 north and 119-09-05 west). Soul Patch and Bitchelle listen on the call. Their hearts are in their mouths.

Next order of business: Kiefer asks Nina to give up the location of the bomb. "We've given you everything you've asked for," pleads Kiefer. Nina won't budge. Mason asks Kiefer to put him on speakerphone. Got that, people? Not only are the phones working at the just-bombed CTU, but Flight 69 has just been hit by a missile and everyone can be heard clearly via speakerphone. Mason asks Nina why she won't give up the location of B-O-M-B. Nina tells Mason that she's scared for her life. "Even if I survive this, Kiefer's going to kill me anyway," she says. She doesn't think that even the men assigned to protect her can protect her from Kiefer. Kiefer gives Nina his word that he won't kill her if she just gives up the location of the bomb. Ah, remember Kiefer's word? He seemed to give it in every episode last season. This year, we don't hear so much about the "word of Kiefer," and that truly saddens me. I miss you, WordOfKiefer. "I don't believe you," says Nina. PoorMan'sSeanAstin puts a gun to Nina's head and tries to bully the info out of her. Oh, and it turns out that PMSA's name is actually Rick -- like, way to recycle the name of Spawn's long forgotten boyfriend from last season. Kiefer tells him to take his seat. One of the unseen pilots announces that they're not going to make it to the riverbed. He tells people to assume crash positions, which cracks me up because all I can think of is that scene in Airplane where everyone poses as if they've just crashed. Nina gets this weird angry/suspicious look on her face like she's a child whose been forced to eat some food she doesn't like that's good for her. She fastens her seatbelt. Kiefer tries to give a new set of coordinates to CTU, but the radio is cut off. Wow, I bet the crash knocked out their email too. And that in-flight viewing of Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood starring Ashley Judd, Ellyn Burstyn, and Sandra Bullock? Not going to happen. You rented those earphones for nothing. Nothing! Mason tells Bitchelle to use some Whatever Technology to find out the plane's coordinates. Gee, d'ya think Kiefer's dead?

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