Day 2: 7:00 AM – 8:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C | 1 USERS: A+
Conspiracy? What conspiracy?

The White House. Some military dude is briefing PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig and his staff on the approaching planes. Hey, guess what? Apparently, in the last five minutes, someone just realized that some innocent civilians might be killed during the attack on the Middle East. "There's no way to avoid this?" asks PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig. "I'm afraid not," says MilitaryDude. "This is just something we're going to have to live with," says PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig reluctantly. But we know PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig isn't going to have a change of heart or anything, because he's totally involved in this conspiracy, right?

CTU. Chappelle's phone rings. It's PMHC. "Do you happen to know if Kiefer is still trying to find evidence that the Cyprus recordings are fabricated?" asks PMHC. "Yes, I believe he is," says Chappelle. PMHC orders Chappelle to assist Kiefer in his investigation. "I was told we were already at war and to proceed accordingly," says Chappelle. PMHC tells him forcefully that he has until the second half of the episode…I mean, "thirty minutes" to report back to him on Kiefer's findings. Oh, but Chappelle is in on the conspiracy too, right? There's no way he'll actually follow these orders. I'm sure he'll get on the phone with his secret buddy PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig and straighten things out.

Meanwhile, back at Max's yacht, Max is talking to EvilChrisElliott on the phone. Oh, and while EvilChrisElliott is talking on the phone to Max, he's being dressed by the Asian Acuprostie, who not only does acupuncture, but also functions as a valet. "The B-O-M-B detonating in the wrong location created a little extra work for me," says EvilChrisElliott, explaining why he's still in L.A. And even though they just had the same conversation at the end of the last episode, EvilChrisElliott explains once again that he's looking for Hightops and that Hightops could still bring down the conspiracy. "You told me you'd have him by now," says Max. EvilChrisElliott tells him not to worry. They hang up. Evil Businessmen can be so impatient.

CTU. Soul Patch and Bitchelle's holding cell. Chappelle enters and asks them to get him in touch with Kiefer. "Oh, I see," says Soul Patch. "Kiefer got some support above you and now you're being squeezed, right?" Chappelle admits that Kiefer's evidence might actually have some relevance. "Which means we were right," says Bitchelle. Chappelle points out that they "nearly put [him] into a coma." Actually, Chappelle? You were asleep for, like, thirty-six minutes. Where I come from, that's called a "nap." Soul Patch agrees to help Chappelle find Kiefer in exchange for the dropping of all charges. Chappelle reluctantly agrees. "Just get me Kiefer!" he urges.

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