24
Day 2: 7:00 AM – 8:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Conspiracy? What conspiracy?

Back at Thunder Road, Kiefer and Lady Mac are walking up the hill with a briefcase. Kiefer is weak, so Lady Mac is helping him walk. Lady Mac wants to know why they don't just call CTU for help. And even though they already had this conversation during the last episode, Kiefer explains once again that CTU has cut him loose and that as far as they're concerned, he doesn't exist. An innocent bystander sees them and their wrecked car and offers his help. But all of his dialogue happens off-camera, so all they have to pay for is a voice-over and an extra without a speaking part. Kiefer asks him to take them to the nearest hospital. "You need to drive," says Kiefer to Lady Mac. "Hey, what do you mean she needs to drive?" asks the innocent bystander from off-camera. Kiefer pulls a gun on him. "Sorry, but we need your car," says Kiefer. Lady Mac just gives the innocent bystander this look as if to say, "Hey, what can you do?" InnocentBystander hands over the keys to his SUV. Lady Mac calls shotgun, and away they go. The time is 07:08:41 AM.

The time is 07:13:05 AM. Klockwise from the top left…or make that "left to right"…the split-screen images are all zigzagged like the "Head Over Heels" video by the Go-Gos as Hall Monitor Carrie looks for more people to tell on; PMHC sits alone in a board room, regretting, no doubt, the betrayal of his best friend; Kiefer rides in the new Kiefmobile; and EvilChrisElliott heads for the L.A. Coliseum. CTU. Spawn and Cate enter. The Hall Monitor slithers up to them and introduces herself, and tells them to have a seat while she notifies Chappelle of their arrival. "I'll handle this, Carrie," says Soul Patch. "I thought you were in custody," says Carrie. "I was released," says Soul Patch, walking past her to greet the two blondes. Okay, that was hysterical. Soul Patch tells Spawn and Cate that Kiefer is out in the field and won't be back for a couple of hours. This is cold comfort for Spawn, who wants to see her dad right away. "It's going to be okay," says Soul Patch, forgetting, perhaps, that every time Spawn ends up at CTU, either her mom dies or a B-O-M-B goes off. I mean, is it "Take Your Daughter To Work -- And Traumatize Her -- Day" again already? Spawn goes off with the Hall Monitor, leaving Soul Patch to tell Cate some breaking news. "Your father came back here after we released him," says Soul Patch. "He wanted to talk to your sister before she was taken away." Cate makes a turd face and asks why they brought Marie back to CTU. Soul Patch doesn't answer her, but if he did, he'd say that Marie and Papa Crew are back because the writers totally forgot to resolve that plotline in any definitive manner.

Cut to Marie in a Plexiglas and aluminum holding cell, lit seemingly from within like a De La Tour Madonna. Hey, it's a Barneys window that Simon Doonan forgot to design. "You lied to me," says Papa Crew from in front of the Plexiglas. "You killed Reza, you tried to kill your own sister and you were willing to set off a nuclear bomb in a city with ten million people." You're grounded, Marie! But seriously, once we're talking about setting off a nuclear bomb, lying and attempted murder sort of take a major backseat. It's like complaining to the captain of the U.S.S. Valdez that right before he hit that iceberg, he left the toilet seat up or something. Anyway, Papa Crew wants to know why Marie did what she did. "Tell me that they forced you to do it -- that they brainwashed you…" Marie says nothing and continues to stare imperiously past Papa Crew as if he doesn't exist. "There is no reason, Dad," says Cate, entering the room. "I can't accept that," says Papa Crew, talking about Marie as if she's an exhibit at the Museum of Unnatural History (tm rljenk). "I couldn't either," says Cate. "Until I looked into her eyes and she pointed a gun at me and started to pull the trigger." Um, retcon, anyone? Didn't Cate specifically say back then that she didn't think Marie was capable of shooting her, and didn't Kiefer say that he'd looked into the eyes of suicidal terrorists and that Marie wasn't one of those people, and wasn't the reason that Marie caved in the first place that in fact, ultimately, she wasn't all that committed to the Second Wave? Cate concludes that they will never understand what made Marie do what she did. Papa Crew studies Marie behind the glass some more while Cate tries to comfort him by caressing his shoulder. Finally they decide to get out of there. As they leave, NewlyEvilMarie speaks. "Cate," she says, standing up and approaching the glass amidst the rattle of chains. "You think you'll be safe out there? You won't be." Cate makes another turd face and exits.

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