Day 2: 7:00 AM – 8:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C | 1 USERS: A+
Conspiracy? What conspiracy?

On the road to the Coliseum, Kiefer gets a phone call. It's Soul Patch, informing Kiefer that Spawn is at CTU and she's safe. Kiefer gives a huge sigh of relief. I guess he too has forgotten how "safe" his own wife was at CTU last season. Soul Patch then hands him over to Chappelle, who needs to talk to him. "Ryan, you son of a bitch," says Kiefer. "You stopped that chopper from picking up me and Hightops. Now Hightops is dead and I'm holding you personally responsible." Chappelle brushes this last piece of information aside and informs Kiefer that he's got the full support of CTU now. Kiefer tells Chappelle of his plan to meet EvilChrisElliott at the Coliseum and get him to admit on tape that he was behind the Cyprus recordings and the B-O-M-B. Chappelle tells Kiefer to hold off until CTU can send back-up. Kiefer counters that they don't have enough time. Instead, he asks for voiceprints of EvilChrisElliott for verification purposes, and a live feed of Lady Mac's wire sent directly to the White House. Uh oh. "Live feed" broadcasts are like graduation speeches, in that when they appear at the conclusion of a movie or a TV season it's a symptom of some writer not being able to wrap things up. Think Minority Report. Chappelle complies and sends a SWAT team over to the Coliseum.

And speaking of coliseums, I'd just like to point out that if there's any place more conducive to trouble than a parking garage, it's an empty coliseum, which is fundamentally a wide open space with lots of seating around it where snipers can hide. Like, why didn't they just meet in a lake full of piranhas already? Kiefer pulls up, parks in the parking lot, and plants a wireless transmitter on Lady Mac. Lady Mac again warns Kiefer that they probably shouldn't be "doing this" alone. "Okay, say something," says Kiefer, testing the transmitter. "I'm scared," says Lady Mac. The time is 07:20:27 AM.

The time is 07:24:55 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer adjusts the transmitter, Soul Patch arranges the live feed to the White House, military brass go over papers and stuff, and PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig answers the phone. On the other end of PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig's phone is PMHC. Oh, here's what we've been waiting for, right? A conversation between PMHC and PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig that will shed light on the true nature of the conspiracy which, no doubt, they are both involved with. Well, guess what? Now that PMHC has learned that there's new evidence suggesting that the Cyprus recordings were fabricated, PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig is all ears. PMHC tells PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig about EvilChrisElliott. "Who's he?" asks PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig. PMHC explains that ECE is an evil oilman who planted the Cyprus recordings in order to start a war and jack up the price of oil. PoorMan'sAlexanderHaig warns PMHC that the bombers are reaching their targets in less than twenty minutes. PMHC convinces him to wait until they hear the live feed that Kiefer set up. Remember how I was saying that this conspiracy made no sense, and many of you sent me these hostile emails "correcting" me and explaining that by the end of the season it would all make sense, and I was just being overly negative because I was jealous of how hot Kiefer was? Don't worry, I'm not laughing too hard at you right now or anything. Oh, wait. I am.

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