America's Next Top Model
Finale Part II: The Girl or Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B- | 33 USERS: C-
Boring is the New Black

So, sigh. Tyra, in her second outfit but back on the runway (do the editors actually care as little about this show as the rest of us at this point?) says that tonight is a very special and dramatic fashion show. The three finalists shot a fashion film that will weave into the story on the runway. Every single day in the modeling industry, says Tyra, a young girl is discovered, and her life can change on a dime. And just like every other girl, says Tyra with all seriousness, that girl is susceptible to…damaging relationships. In fact, one in four American young girls are experience such damaging relationships right now. And…could you define the term "damaging relationships"? Is she talking about abuse specifically? The audience looks confused as well, and also a little bit bored. The question that we will ask, says Tyra, is which fate will Jourdan choose? We shall find out soon, and beginning with our short film: DANGER LOVE. Yes. DANGER LOVE.

The film has a soundtrack, which is sadly not a modified version of "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins. It starts off with Jourdan and Marvin smiling at each other in very bright light, and embracing. They are both wearing white. And then Jourdan runs off, with her hair bouncing in the breeze, and Marvin runs after her, with his legs flailing behind him at odd angles. And then…maybe Jourdan is a ghost for a minute? I don't know. In any case, she happens to stumble across a photo shoot featuring Cory and Laura, and everything turns to black and white. Photographer Rob Evans spots Jourdan and motions for her to come over. She's all like, "Moi?" And then he puts her in the shoot, garnering evil looks from Laura. And then Cory and Jourdan start making out for the cameras, and Marvin -- who was really only a few paces behind her but I guess got lost for five minutes -- sees it all and has a sad.

And then it is ONE YEAR LATER! Jourdan wears fancy clothes and is on another modeling shoot. I think. She walks off the set and happens upon Cory making out with Laura. BETRAYAL! Says a caption. Cory gets up and starts to kiss Jourdan rather roughly, and with an evil look on his face. Jourdan pushes him away and runs off. And then suddenly things are in color again! And she is a ghost again! And so is Marvin, who is there, wearing the same clothes as he was a year ago. They run toward each other and embrace, and then he pushes back her face…to reveal a giant bruise on her temple. Awkward! And then she has a flash of Cory in her mind, and starts running yet again. The real question of this film is, why is Jourdan always running? But the question that we are told is the official question for our contemplation is, "Who will she choose?" Boy, I hope it's the abusive cheater! And that concludes Danger Love.

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America's Next Top Model




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