Bachelorette
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Latest Episode |
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9-12 Weecap |
Everything is Normal and Nothing HurtSeason 9: After the Final Rose - Everyone takes a turn on Chris Harrison's gray chairs of awkwardness and the next Bachelor is revealed. |
08.05.2013 | C |
Carla Sparks |
Ep. |
Title |
Air/Pub'l |
Grade |
Author |
9-11 Weecap |
The Last Man KneelingSeason 9, Episode 11: The Finale, Part 2 - Will Des rise from the ashes to find love, or will she turn every available suitor down and become a withered old maid? Those are her only options. |
08.05.2013 08.06.2013 |
C- |
Carla Sparks |
9-10 Weecap |
Brooks Was HereSeason 9, Episode 10 - Oh, Brooks made a mistake. It seems that instead of being madly in love with Desiree and wanting to spend the rest of his life with her, he is not at all in love with her and wants to go home. |
07.29.2013 07.30.2013 |
A |
Daniel |
9-9 Weecap |
Désolé, DesireeSeason 9: The Men Tell All - The ousted losers return for the war-crimes tribunal of Ben and James, neither of whom seems particularly repentant, but that could just be because the only thing they did wrong was sign up for The Bachelorette in the first place. |
07.22.2013 07.23.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
9-8 Weecap |
Shouldn't Have Put a Ring On ItSeason 9, Episode 8 - Here's hoping Zak can at least get back the deposit he put down for the hall he rented for the wedding reception. |
07.15.2013 07.16.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
9-7 Weecap |
Frankly, Madeira, I Don't Give A DamnSeason 9, Episode 7 - Which is worse: A bachelorette who pretends to be in love with all her remaining bachelors, or one who is clearly more smitten with one above the rest? Answer: They're both worse! |
07.08.2013 07.09.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
9-5 Weecap |
Bavarian BrouhahaSeason 9, Episode 5 - The other contestants rejoice when Ben is dispatched under mumbly, weaselly, shifty-eyed cross-examining by Michael that should have, at worst, meant both of them getting sent home. But that’s OK, because there’s a new “here for the wrong reasons” target, and his name is James. |
06.24.2013 06.25.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
9-4 Weecap |
Manmade Disaster Meets Natural DisasterSeason 9, Episode 4 - The producers of The Bachelorette are apparently under the impression that their audience isn't aware of things that are actually important versus things that are on The Bachelorette. |
06.17.2013 06.18.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
9-3 Weecap |
I'm Sure They'd Think Again if They Had a Friend Like BenSeason 9, Episode 3 - "It's called The Bachelorette, not Let's Make Friends." It's not called Let's Wear Women's Tanktops either, Ben. Meanwhile, Brian's ex-girlfriend is unconvincing as herself. |
06.10.2013 06.11.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
9-2 Weecap |
Everything Is Terrible and Everyone HurtsSeason 9, Episode 2 - The men produce a rap video called "For the Right Reasons" which -- shocker -- turns out to be horrifying in every single way imaginable. |
06.03.2013 06.04.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
9-1 Weecap |
#worstcropofbachelorsyetSeason 9 Premiere - And now the story of a group of men who lost all self-respect, and the one woman who had no choice but to eliminate them one by one. It's Desiree's arrested development. |
05.27.2013 05.28.2013 |
F |
Daniel |
8-11 Weecap |
One Ring to Fool Them AllAfter the Final Rose - Emily and "Jef" share all kinds of shocking secrets, like how much they love each other, and Emily's superfluous third nipple! Well, the nipple doesn't come up so much. |
07.22.2012 07.23.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-10 Weecap |
The Glory of LoveSeason 8, Episode 10 - Emily cries and cries and cries: her family won't tell her who to marry, despite everything she has been through (i.e. fancy dates in exotic places around the world). |
07.22.2012 07.23.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-10 Weecap |
Confidence MenSeason 8, The Men Tell All - The men tell all, or some, but mostly reinforce their personalities as overconfident yahoo (Ryan), disappointed dad (Doug), sensitive sweetheart (Sean) or arrogant jackass (Kalon, OBVIOUSLY). |
07.16.2012 07.17.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-9 Weecap |
You Don't Have to Go Home, but You Can't Stay HereSeason 8, Episode 9 - It's the overnight dates, which this season are actually the "kissing only, I'm trying to set an example" dates. |
07.09.2012 07.10.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-8 Weecap |
The Old Prince Still Lives At HomeSeason 8, Episode 8 - Emily meets her boyfriends' families, and has a prank pulled on her by Sean, who managed to convince her he doesn't have any money. I mean, "still lives at home." |
07.02.2012 07.03.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-7 Weecap |
Where The Streets Have No ShameSeason 8, Episode 7 - Sean runs through the streets of Prague yelling Emily's name. He finds her, because it's not like Prague has 1.2 million people in it or anything. Oh, and Arie dated a woman briefly ten years ago so … scandal? |
06.25.2012 06.26.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-6 Weecap |
12 Simple Rules for Dating An Adult RyanSeason 8, Episode 6 - The Bachelorette goes to Croatia, which is well-known for its advance screenings of Disney Pixar movies and the Scottish Highland Games. |
06.18.2012 06.19.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-5 Weecap |
Whalin' on KalonSeason 8, Episode 5 - Kalon calls Ricki "baggage." Somehow, Emily survives, but it was touch-and-go there for a while. |
06.11.2012 06.12.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-4 Weecap |
Ego TrippingSeason 8, Episode 4 - Ryan's practically heroic overconfidence, Chris's hilariously unthreatening confrontational style and Arie's impression of Doug-as-Hulk make this episode less unwatchable than normal. |
06.04.2012 06.05.2012 |
A |
Daniel |
8-3 Weecap |
With a Little Help from Her 'Friends'Season 8, Episode 3 - You can tell Emily not to get fat. You can tell her to shut up while you're talking. Just don't tell her that marriage involves compromise, or else you're going home NOW. |
05.28.2012 05.29.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
8-2 Weecap |
The Muppets, The Famewhores, And Me19 Remaining Bachelors - The Muppets turn up for some reason, and nineteen guys get pared down to sixteen, which means it's still too early to know anyone's name. |
05.21.2012 05.22.2012 |
C- |
Couch Baron |
8-1 Weecap |
For Emily, Wherever I May Find HerEmily Meets the Bachelors - Emily Maynard, here's a crew of losers, one of whom may be a potential father for Ricki and the minivan-full of babies that you want! |
05.14.2012 05.15.2012 |
F |
Daniel |
7-10 Weecap |
After the RoseSeason 7: After the Rose - As Bret Michaels says, every rose has its thorn and this one's name is Ben. |
08.01.2011 08.02.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-10 Weecap |
The Grand FinaleSeason 7: The Final Rose - In which Ashley picks a husband just to piss off her sister. |
08.01.2011 08.02.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-9 Weecap |
HallelujahSeason 7: The Men Tell All - It's raining [whiny, bitter, angry, weepy, brain damaged] men. |
07.31.2011 08.01.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-9 Weecap |
W.T.FijiSeason 7: Episode 9 - One contestant shows up for no good reason and one walks out before the Fantasy Suite. |
07.25.2011 07.26.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-8 Weecap |
Pimp That HomeSeason 7: Hometown Dates - Ashley hits the bachelors' hometowns like they owe her money. |
07.18.2011 07.19.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-7 Weecap |
Taiwan OnSeason 7: Episode 7 - The spectre of hometown dates means everyone's talking love. Except Ryan who is talking tankless water heaters. |
07.11.2011 07.12.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-6 Weecap |
Hong Kong PhooeySeason 7, Episode 6 - Bentley shows up in Hong Kong, and Ashley goes from coyly wanting him back to appearing to want him dead. Then she spends the rest of the episode telling us how over Bentley she is. |
06.27.2011 06.28.2011 |
F |
Daniel |
7-4 Weecap |
Beau ThaiSeason 7 Episode 5 - The Men take it to the Next Level by beating the crap out of each other for Ashley's viewing pleasure. |
06.20.2011 06.21.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-4 Weecap |
F@#in' PhuketEpisode 4 - Ashley invites the men to Thai one on. See what I did there? |
06.13.2011 06.14.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-3 Weecap |
The Dearly DepartedSeason 7 Episode 3 - In which Bentley makes his move. |
06.06.2011 06.07.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-2 Weecap |
Playing the OddsEpisode 2 - What happens in Vegas, should have stayed in Vegas. |
05.30.2011 05.31.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
7-1 Recap |
Meet the MeatSeason 7 Episode 1 - Bachelorette Ashley has a whole lot of man meat on her hands, but strangely lets the butcher go home early. |
05.23.2011 05.24.2011 |
A |
LuluBates |
6-12 Weecap |
Every Rose Has its ThornsAfter the Final Rose - Ali and Roberto are still engaged. For now. |
08.02.2010 08.03.2010 |
D- |
LuluBates |
6-11 Weecap |
The Final RoseAli Invites the Final Two Bachelors to Tahiti to Meet Her Family - Ali chooses Man Meat over Emotionless Spam. |
08.02.2010 08.03.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
6-9 Weecap |
Nothing to TellThe Men Tell All - The least interesting of the ousted bachelors talk about the much more interesting ousted bachelors for two hours. TWO HOURS. |
07.26.2010 07.27.2010 |
D- |
LuluBates |
6-8 Weecap |
Let's Be FrankEpisode 9 - Roberto and Chris get some action, while Frank just gets honest. |
07.19.2010 07.20.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
6-8 Weecap |
Hospitality, Taxidermy Basement-StyleAli Meets The Bachelors' Families - Kirk's family embarrasses themselves pretty badly while the other bachelors' families do not, so you can probably guess who got sent home. |
07.12.2010 07.13.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
6-7 Weecap |
Party of Five plus Jake and ViennaEpisode 7 - Ali and her himbos are in Portugal, but they can't escape the voice of Bachelor Jake yelling, "STOP UNDERMINING ME, AMERICA!" |
07.05.2010 07.06.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
6-6 Weecap |
Istanbul, Not ConstantinopleEpisode 6 - Pro Tip: If you've got a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul. Unless you're Justin or Craig. |
06.28.2010 06.29.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
6-5 Weecap |
Cold!Episode 5 - Kasey ends up with his ultimate partner: the vast, frozen, merciless, empty world. |
06.21.2010 06.22.2010 |
A+ |
M. Giant |
6-4 Weecap |
Take New YorkEpisode 4 - Ali and her man-gang hit New York City and sap the city's reserves of Valtrex. |
06.14.2010 06.15.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
6-3 Weecap |
Who in the What Now?Episode 3 - Ali gang-dates most of the men in the house, but makes sure to take some quiet time with dreamboat Roberto 500 feet above LA. Because that's totally normal. |
06.07.2010 06.08.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
6-2 Weecap |
Seventeen and CountingEpisode 2 - The Bachelorette makes out with two men, but makes sure Nana knows she is dating seventeen men at once. |
05.31.2010 06.01.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
5-1 Weecap |
Meet the MeatGeneration Vexed - It's Bachelorette Ali's man meat round up! Yeehaw? |
05.24.2010 05.25.2010 |
A+ |
LuluBates |
5-12 Weecap |
The Last Rose of SummerAfter the Final Rose - Melissa’s happy. Kiptyn’s not happy. Reid’s not happy. Jillian and Ed are really happy. Happiest of all? People who hate this show! |
07.28.2009 07.29.2009 |
D |
Daniel |
5-11 Weecap |
With This Ring, I Thee EdJillian Makes Her Final Decision - Jillian dumps Kiptyn, and then tells us she's so in love with Ed, at least until Reid shows up to stand around for three hours while Jillian agonizes over him. And then Chris Harrison gives her some advice, and then she remembers: she's in so much love with Ed! |
07.27.2009 07.28.2009 |
D |
Daniel |
5-10 Weecap |
Bros Before Hos and Common SenseThe Men Tell All - David defends his creepy behavior, Wes is lambasted in absentia, and Jason Mesnick shows up to explain how his dumping Melissa is actually the reason for her happiness. |
07.20.2009 07.21.2009 |
D |
Daniel |
5-9 Weecap |
Ups and DownsOne of the Bachelors Has a Surprise for Jillian - Quite possibly the first episode of any dating show to deal with the troublesome issue of erectile dysfunction. |
07.13.2009 07.14.2009 |
B- |
Angel Cohn |
5-8 Weecap |
The Spanish InquisitionJillian and the Four Remaining Bachelors Go to Spain - Jillian meets her four final fellas in Spain and grills them about their true intentions... which doesn't go well if you happen to be a lying, cheating asshat like Wes. |
07.06.2009 07.07.2009 |
C+ |
Angel Cohn |
5-7 Weecap |
I Wanna Be Your BoyfriendJillian Visits The Bachelors' Hometowns - Jake decides to fly to Austin before Jillian's hometown date with Wes to warn her that Wes has a girlfriend. In an unbelievable stroke of luck, the cameras are there to record it all. |
06.29.2009 06.30.2009 |
B+ |
Daniel |
5-6 Weecap |
Throw Robby from the TrainTrain Trip - Wes gets more upfront with the other guys about how he's on the show to gain exposure for his music career. I don't know what everyone's up in arms about. Shouldn't repeated exposure of "Love Don't Come Eeeeassy" ensure that Wes will soon have to get a real job? |
06.22.2009 06.23.2009 |
B |
Daniel |
5-5 Weecap |
Ed's Dead, Baby. Ed's Dead.Fun in the Snow - Warning: Jillian expects you to get fired from your job to prove you want to be with her, even as she falls in love with many guys at once. |
06.15.2009 06.16.2009 |
D |
Daniel |
5-4 Weecap |
I'm Here for the Right Reasons -- BoozeThree of the Bachelors are Sent Home - Jillian hears some rumours that some of the guys there have girlfriends, but no one owns up to it. And David finally gets the boot! |
06.08.2009 06.09.2009 |
D |
Daniel |
5-3 Weecap |
Keep on Chasing that Unicorn"Group Date to a Movie Set" - Dave gets drunk and rages about Juan the whole time, like a tiresome party guest, except a lot of the bachelors don’t seem to mind being yelled at constantly about how Juan is worse than Hitler. |
06.01.2009 06.02.2009 |
D |
Daniel |
5-2 Weecap |
"I Was Hung Like a Light Switch"Eight Bachelors Go to Pool Party - The bachelors get sent on a scavenger hunt. The prize is dinner with Jillian. It could be worse. It could be dinner with Jillian and a Martina McBride concert. |
05.25.2009 05.26.2009 |
B |
Daniel |
5-1 Weecap |
Now With 20% More Male Famewhores!Jillian Harris Searches For Love - Remember how we all used to like Jillian? Tonight, ABC gets to work on wrecking that, too. |
05.18.2009 05.19.2009 |
C |
Daniel |
4-10 Weecap |
Crocodile TearsDeAnna Accepts A Proposal - Jason gets the front-runner's edit, but Jesse gets the underdog's victory as DeAnna chooses pink shoelaces. |
07.07.2008 07.08.2008 |
F |
Daniel |
4-9 Weecap |
Get Him a Body Bag!"The Men Tell All" - Most of these guys DeAnna let go because they didn’t open up enough. So just how successful did they think this episode would be? |
06.30.2008 07.01.2008 |
A |
Daniel |
4-8 Weecap |
Where Do Broken Hearts Go?"Romantic, Overnight Dates" - There are three J’s -- Jason, Jeremy and Jesse -- trying to win DeAnna’s heart. That’s one J too many. |
06.30.2008 07.01.2008 |
D |
Daniel |
4-7 Weecap |
Golden Graham"DeAnna Meets Bachelors' Families" - After meeting the remaining four bachelors' families, DeAnna dumps Graham, and then yells at him, because it's his fault, apparently. |
06.23.2008 06.24.2008 |
D |
Daniel |
4-6 Weecap |
Here I Go Again On My Own"An Evening of Dinner and Dancing" - DeAnna has an existential crisis and cancels the cocktail party, wailing at the futility of it all. |
06.16.2008 06.17.2008 |
F |
Daniel |
4-5 Weecap |
DeAnna Tells All...For About 20 Minutes"DeAnna Tells All" - DeAnna’s inane natterings bookend The Most Boring Clip Show ever. So that’s what the bottom of the barrel looks like. |
06.16.2008 06.17.2008 |
F |
Daniel |
4-4 Weecap |
Blue DeAnna Song"A Date at the California Speedway" - It’s the most shocking date ever! DeAnna murders two bachelors and eats their still-beating hearts! |
06.09.2008 06.10.2008 |
D |
Daniel |
4-3 Weecap |
Everybody Farts"A Group Date at a Dude Ranch" - Ron doesn’t get rejected. Ron thinks Chuck Norris Facts are true about himself. |
06.02.2008 06.03.2008 |
D+ |
Daniel |
4-2 Weecap |
King Jeremy the WickedEpisode 2 - Clearly we remember picking on the boy. Also: Jason gets in DeAnna’s box. |
05.26.2008 05.27.2008 |
D |
Daniel |
4-1 Weecap |
Did I Shave My Chest for This?DeAnna Pappas Chooses From 25 Bachelors - DeAnna Pappas is so over Brad, you can tell, because he’s only talked about during ninety percent of the episode, instead of a hundred percent. |
05.19.2008 05.20.2008 |
D |
Daniel |
2-7 Recap |
Circle Gets The SquareOnce In Love With Ian - Actually, Square gets the Circle. Actually, Square gets no one. Actually, Circle just gets Ian. |
02.24.2004 02.27.2004 |
D+ |
Djb |
2-6 Recap |
Loser Is As Loser DoesIsland Of Tropic Diseases - Try a little tenderness, Meredith. Try a little ANYTHING, Meredith. Just don't try pretending you like Chad. It's embarrassing. |
02.17.2004 02.20.2004 |
A+ |
Djb |
2-5 Recap |
Save The Drama For Yo MamaHome On Deranged - Lanny's mom preaches, Matthew's mom rhymes, Chad's mom makes his bed for him, and Ian's mom disappears on cue. Good job, Meredith. Describing all of these guys in terms of their mothers is an excellent sign. |
02.10.2004 02.12.2004 |
B+ |
Djb |
2-4 Recap |
Lanny, Get Your GunOne On One's So Slow - Your love gun, that is, you seafood-sautéing stud, you. |
02.03.2004 02.05.2004 |
D+ |
Djb |
2-3 Recap |
Sssssssssh!Dude, Don't Be Such A Rick - Ryan M., seriously. The giraffes can't take it anymore. |
01.27.2004 01.29.2004 |
B- |
Djb |
2-2 Recap |
Spare MeBowlers And Bowling - Bowling is supposed to be nasty and foolish and sloppy and drunk, so you wouldn't think it would work inside a mansion, right? But seriously, with Rick and Meredith creeping up the place, they insure it will be all of the above. Hey! Save me the small orange ball! Oh, wait. That's just Rick's head. |
01.20.2004 01.22.2004 |
C+ |
Djb |
2-1 Recap |
She's A Bad Nana JamaHouse Of Bland And Groggy - The Ghost Of Dead Grandmas Past haunts the first ten minutes of this episode, after which time it descends into an exact retread of every previous season of this show. That's why Djb didn't feel so bad aping his index-page headline from last season. Because seriously? It's the identical show. |
01.13.2004 01.15.2004 |
A+ |
Djb |
Mondo Extra |
Marry Me A LotTrista & Ryan's Wedding, Part 3 - I don't. And I can't. And I won't. And I think we should see other reality shows. Because this is NOT working out. |
12.10.2003 12.14.2003 |
A+ |
Djb |
Mondo Extra |
Lamb, Meet SlaughterTrista & Ryan's Wedding, Part 2 - Ryan bawls like a small child and it's all very pathetic. |
12.02.2003 12.08.2003 |
B- |
Djb |
Mondo Extra |
Death Wears A Sweater SetTrista & Ryan's Wedding, Part 1 - Don't fear the reaper. For she will introduce you to people who let you taste delicious cakes. |
11.25.2003 11.28.2003 |
D+ |
Djb |
1-7 Recap |
Worshipping False American IdolsAttention Beggars Can Be Choosers - What if you threw a surprise reality-show finale and nobody came? |
02.18.2003 02.21.2003 |
B |
Djb |
1-6 Recap |
Uncontrolled SubstancesThe Men Tell All - Videotaped footage of a grown man urinating on his own bed is burned on our retinas forever. It just makes that whole cocaine-bust thing pale in comparison, doesn't it? |
02.11.2003 02.14.2003 |
B- |
Djb |
1-5 Recap |
The Biorhythm MethodYou're All I Overthink About - Russ gets his aura read and his ego shattered, and Rhymin' and Sideshow Charlie get...well, laid. |
02.04.2003 02.07.2003 |
D+ |
Djb |
1-4 Recap |
A Room of One's OwnA Very Very Very Fine House - You could fit all of the action of this episode into Greg's studio apartment. And you could wipe that sneer off your face when you do it, young lady. |
01.28.2003 01.31.2003 |
C- |
Djb |
1-3 Recap |
Ryan's HopeOh, The Humanity! - "I like rocks. Rocks are gray. When you talk to a rock. They always say..." |
01.21.2003 01.24.2003 |
B- |
Djb |
1-2 Recap |
Encino EvilChargers: A Million / Dorks: Eight - Yeah, um, hi everyone. I'm Guy. Who the hell are all you people? |
01.14.2003 01.17.2003 |
B |
Djb |
1-1 Recap |
Slice Up the BeefcakeDebut - Twenty-five eligible blue-collar bohunks in varying degrees of cheap suits make their first plays for Trista's heart. |
01.07.2003 01.10.2003 |
B- |
Djb |