Big Brother
Contracting E.D.

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Contracting E.D.

Eric and Jen wrestle in the kitchen. They're surprisingly evenly matched. Jameka hilariously gives the play-by-play ("He grabs...butt cheeks!"). It's all going well enough for Eric until Jen kicks him in his junk. As far as pointless filler segments, I've seen worse.

Oooh! We get to see Nick talk about his top five guys! This happened, like, a week ago, so even I've managed to hear about it. Apparently, Nick is either genuinely bi-curious, playing the bi-curious card in order to win the favor of Dustin and (until recently) Joe, or really slyly funny and not overly concerned with projecting an imagine of the burly homophobic cro-mag. Anyway, he's in the backyard with Dick, Zach, and Amber, and talk turns, as it does, to how fucking hot Ryan Reynolds is. Nick says he's in his "top five" of guys he'd ever do if he ever did a guy. Dick and Zach immediately start giving him shit -- Zach is literally laughing like "huh-huh-huh, huh-huh-huh." He's like Butthead come to life. In so many ways, really. Nick tries to explain that he doesn't want to do guys...except maybe those five. Heh. Dick and Zach drown him out with their ribbing until Nick slinks away, at which point Dick and Zach high-five each other for being such awesome gatekeepers of the heterosexual mystique. Hey, Dick, Nick's off to go bang your daughter, by the way. Figured you might like to know. Indeed, Nick finds Daniele and explains how he was getting shit for having a top five list of guys he'd do "if I was gay." Daniele immediately goes, "Matthew McConaughey..." Nick: "Number one." Hee! Okay, here's my thing with Nick: I think he has a wickedly strange sense of humor and this is part of it, but I also think it's to his credit that he doesn't really have a problem projecting this image of himself on national TV. And not to make him the Betty Friedan of bi-curious boys, but I think we could do with more straight dudes just admitting that if they had the chance to nail Ryan Reynolds, they totally would. Do I think he's actually gay? Ehhhh. This is like Gyllenhaal singing "Dreamgirls" on SNL all over again: I think he's shrewd, well-intentioned, in possession of a really sharp sense of humor, and ultimately straight. Though I would be more than happy to be proven wrong on that last part. Anyway, also in Nick's top five: Hugh Jackman and Brad Pitt. No word on number five yet, but I'll keep you posted if I hear anything. Because he's with Daniele, he tries to say that since these guys are all handsome, smart, and funny, he might as well be describing himself. And, see, this all comes across as more winkingly comical than genuinely self-obsessed. And it makes me feel better about all his shmooping over Daniele (he tells her his top five girls are all her), because that's all done in the same overly-earnest tone, so there's a good chance he hasn't actually fallen ass-over-tit in love in the span of a week.

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Big Brother

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