Big Brother
Floating to Victory

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C- | 54 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Winner, Winner, Chicken Winner

Time to reveal the results of the vote, finally. Spencer voted for Andy to win, as did McCrae. Judd voted for GinaMarie. Elissa voted for Andy, as did Amanda, so he's now just one vote away from winning. Aaryn voted for GinaMarie, as expected, but Helen went with Andy… so he's the winner! Finally they get to leave that accursed house, clasping hands and sprinting out of there so fast the cameras briefly lose track of them. Out in the studio, the glitter and confetti bombs go off while everyone swarms Andy -- except Nick, of course, because he's all but tackled by GinaMarie before he can get a yard away from his chair.

After the last ad break, the ex-houseguests are still gathered onstage as Julie reveals that Jessie and Candice also voted for Andy, making it a 7-2 vote. Again, not even close. Julie remarks to Nick about how cozy he seems with GinaMarie. Maybe he's into her and maybe he's not, but if he's not, he's enough of a gentleman not to break it to her while they're both still on live national television. As for America's favorite houseguests, the top three in the vote are Elissa, Judd and Howard. And for some godforsaken reason it goes to Elissa. What this tells me is that a lot of people in this country need much better TVs. Julie signs off and of all the disappointments with this season and this finale -- which are legion -- I think the biggest one is that we didn't get to hear David say something thunderously stupid.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.

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Big Brother

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