Big Brother
Fool Me 37 Times, Shame on Me

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Don't Come Back, Shane!

Dan pays a visit to Danielle in the HoH room. "My dad's gonna be so proud," Danielle tells him. Dan asks her what she's going to do. "What do you want me to do?" Dan: "Make your own decision." Danielle: "Shut up." I love how they're not even pretending any more. Danielle figures Dan is safe even if he stays nominated, but Dan assures her that any time he's nominated after the Veto he's going home. Which may or may not be true, but Danielle's job is to listen to him unquestioningly. Suddenly and belatedly, she realizes she's "in a baaad spot." Dan supplies her a cover story to justify her Vetoing him, but she'll agree only if he promises to save Shane. Which Dan does, even though he has no intention of doing anything of the kind. Danielle threatens to castrate him with a butter knife if she does this and doesn't get to the final two with him as a result. Get in line, sweetie.

Later, Danielle runs this scenario past Shane, telling him she's thinking of Vetoing Dan so he can get rid of Ian. Dan has apparently also convinced her that he's sick of Ian and wants him gone, and she passes this along to Shane, assuring him that she wouldn't do anything that might jeopardize his game. And then he agrees to let her do just that, and they make out, thinking they're going to be in the final three together.

"Are we in for another blindside?" Julie asks from the studio, like this isn't a house full of Stevie Wonders. "Don't. Go. Anywhere," Julie orders. Well, except to text your America's Vote for your favorite houseguest, right?

Coming back, Julie says we're ready for the live Veto meeting and eviction. Ian and Dan are still nominated, and for their pleas for mercy, Ian gets to go first, which is hardly fair to him. But then neither is following Dan. In fact, the only way to even out this matchup would be to castrate Dan with a butter knife. Ian talks to Danielle about the Quack Pack, which is no match for Dan's latest coaching-inspired speech. He says he's never had to compete against one of his former players, but was proud of Danielle for winning PoV and says he's planning to write his fourth book about what a coach can learn from his students. Shameless, this guy. Of course Danielle eats it up.

On Julie's instructions, Danielle takes her spot at the front of the room and announces that she's using the Veto to save Dan. As the only possible replacement nominee, Shane takes his place in the nominee chair by default, to Ian's obvious surprise. Now Shane gets to make his nominee speech. He lies that he didn't expect this, but gives a standard Oscar-style thank-you and congratulates the Quack Pack. He goes on at length to all of them individually so long that I expect Julie to cut him off a lot sooner than she does. Ian's second speech is much shorter but similar in content.

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Big Brother

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