Big Brother

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Late Retirement

The second round has a boxing theme, and Jerry looks nervous at the prospect that he might actually have to get in a ring with Memphis. Of course, it's one of those "one at a time" dealies again, and Memphis is the first to be called into he backyard to find cutouts of all of the houseguests with giant boxing gloves pasted on them, half of a boxing ring, and the "Tear Duct of the Housecat" theme playing on the soundtrack. Memphis reads the instructions out loud for the camera: each player needs to go ten rounds with the cutouts, knocking down all of them but the HoH and the final nominees from each week's eviction. Memphis's strategy is to go quickly, but on the first round he "brainfarts" that Brian was a final nominee (even though Brian, you know, went home), so he has to do it again after they pop back up. Jerry's first round is slower, but more accurate. The second round goes about the same for both of them, but Memphis nails the third round while Jerry pretty much blows it. Both struggle with the fourth round, but in the fifth round, Jerry's playing this like a sudoku puzzle while Memphis is barely catching his breath, dashing back and forth between rounds. The next several seem to go relatively smoothly for both of them, but Memphis isn't pleased with his performance, thinking he could have done better. All Jerry has to say when he finally finishes is, "Wow."

Finally, they're both out in the back yard while Dan reveals their times: Memphis's time is 8 minutes, 35 seconds, but Jerry's is FIFTY-ONE MINUTES AND TWENTY-TWO SECONDS. Oh, Jesus, show. Jerry is ashamed and embarrassed, almost as much as I am for being remotely fooled by the editing into thinking that Memphis's time was more than a fifth of Jerry's. So that's Jerry locked out of the final HoH competition, which is down to the Renegades. They celebrate in the bathroom, as Jerry moans, "Embarrassin'" while changing out of his trunks and revealing his tighty-whities. So for once, Jerry is correct on more than one level. Dan DRs that he wants to win HoH, thinking it'll be a good resume-fluffer when he addresses the jury. Memphis also wants to win, because he's never won before. Yeah, somehow I'm not expecting to see the knives come out in the final round.

Julie puts the houseguests on the viewscreen and basically asks Jerry why he sucks so much. Jerry attempts another joke, blaming it on falling into the pool and getting his brain waterlogged. He seems awfully prepared with these no-laugh lines of his, doesn't he? Julie then asks Memphis about his eviction of Keesha, and Memphis says it was a tough call, but "this game is business and she didn't fit in the plan." I don't know anything about these people in real life, but I bet that in his job as a mixologist, Memphis specializes in drinks that are cold. Julie then asks Dan how he feels about getting closer to the big prize, and Dan says something football-coach-y but pointless. Well, thanks for that.

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Big Brother

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