Big Brother
Slim Just Left Town

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Slim Just Left Town

Then the second-greatest thing happens. With no more rotating bar to jump, Zach is finally able to free up his concentration enough to respond to Dick. And he does so by laughing his ass off at what a buffoon Dick is. He starts imitating Dick's whoops and cursing and saying stuff like, "I've got 40 tattoos 'cause it makes me mean!" And he actually manages to shut Dick up for a moment. Zach really has proven to be the one person best equipped to deal with Dick's hurricane of bullshit. Ignore it, wait for your moment, and then laugh your ass off. I enjoyed the hell out of that. So anyway, the game keeps going to the point where Dick is the one shivering and looking miserable. Daniele keeps telling him that Zach is on the verge of falling, but those are dirty lies, and eventually, Dick relinquishes the grip on his key. That's when the knock-off Field of Dreams music kicks in -- with some rat-tat-tat military drum action to boot, because Dick truly is the Greatest American Hero -- and we're all made to observe the fallen warrior that is Dick Donato. Seriously, there are long, lingering shots of Dick alone on his battlefield, while the music -- which is actually Field of Dreams meets The Natural, because Dick is a heroic, god-like figure like Roy Hobbs but also a great dad like Kevin Costner -- mourns his loss. It's really something. Zach, the guy who actually won, is reduced to patting Dick on the back and saying how awesome he is. That's what I keep hearing, in between the verbal harassment and threats of violence.

Daniele tries to comfort a frozen and shivering Dick, while Zach DRs that despite all the threats and harassment tossed his way, he was actually able to "break Dick." Well, you and hypothermia, but the end result is the same wonderful thing. If you're waiting for me to say I feel guilty for taking such delight in the drastic and dangerous lowering of Dick's and Daniele's body temperatures, you may be here for a bit.

When we return, Julie tells us it's time for the second round of the HOH. Only this one is Dick versus Daniele, and since it doesn't matter one little bit who wins, I'll only say that the competition involves diving into a tank of water and solving a puzzle, and Dick wins. By a wide margin. It should be noted, for the historical record, that Daniele the amazing challenge-winning pixie lost a competition where holding your breath was a major component, to a man with the lung capacity of an asthmatic gerbil.

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Big Brother

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