Breaking Bad
Crawl Space

Episode Report Card
Joe R: A | 11 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
It Is to Laugh

Saul's "A Team" consists of big, pointy-headed Huell and the fake EPA guy from the Bogdan shakedown. They arrive at Ted's door and let themselves in, and EPA Fraud announces to Ted that their job right now is to do their best to keep Huell happy. What would make him unhappy? If Ted doesn't do what he's told. And what's he being told? Well, to find his checkbook, for one thing. EPA Fraud tells him to write a check for $617,226.31, and Ted lies and says he doesn't have it, but they know better. When EPA Fraud tells him to make the check payable to the IRS, Ted connects the dots. He tries to say that Skyler is a dear friend of his and that she'd never do this. EPA Fraud is like, "No, YOU'RE misunderstanding, now SIT DOWN AND WRITE." Ted does, making Huell reasonably happy. EPA Fraud then tells Ted to fill out the UPS paperwork, then announces his intention to take the check down to UPS while Huell waits here with Ted. And then the three of them will wait another couple of days until the check clears. ...Okay, this seems like less fun for Ted. Still, EPA Fraud is being fairly good-humored about this whole situation. But Ted isn't even going to give it enough time for Stockholm Syndrome to set in, because he bolts. He sprints for the door, tripping on that damned rug, and flying head-first into a table, knocking some oranges from a bowl onto his back. EPA Fraud and Huell look at each other like "...So that happened." The angle of Ted's body suggests a possible broken neck, but his little finger is still twitching, so I guess that counts as a gray area? Still: Ted Beneke got fucked again.

At the Laundromat, the place is now under surveillance, so Walt is wheeled into the place inside a bin of dirty sheets. Inside, Walt emerges from them all coughing and gagging -- couldn't they have been clean sheets?? Tyrus breaks his customary silence to snicker and say they COULD have been. Inside America's Meth Kitchen, Walt feels the tank and checks the nozzles and deduces that someone has cooked here. Tyrus reminds Walt that he was out of commission for four days; they weren't about to just stop cooking. Walt gets agitated (...I know!) and demands to know who cooked. Who was here??

Cut to Jesse's house, where he's on the couch, playing video games with Brock. I don't know current video game stuff, but I do see Sonic, so that's cool. Anyway, as you might expect, this is the cutest shit EVER, and Jesse is so happy and can't he just BE HAPPY AND PLAY HAPPY SONIC GAMES FOREVER, VINCE GILLIGAN?? Andrea joins them and they're like a happy family and I'm dying. And then there's a knock at the door to break the spell. Jesse knows it's not good news, and he probably knows it's Walter. He hands off his controller to Andrea and answers -- yup, it's Walt. He's agitated and afraid, but also trying to be penitent; it doesn't come naturally to him. Jesse tries to close the door on him, but Walt begs, so instead Jesse pushes Walt out to the lawn. He keeps shoving him away, farther and farther from his house with his little family. Walt does say "I'm sorry," but then not half a second later he rebounds with an accusation: "I know you have been cooking without me." Now, we've seen both of these men lay themselves down for each other separately, this very week. But here, neither one of them can back off their posture and so are instead accusing each other of betrayals. Walt thinks Jesse cooking is sealing his fate, and Jesse doesn't bother to contradict Walt's assumptions. Jesse returns, "You brought your brother-in-law to our lab!" Walt says that was not his fault. He can't parry off Jesse's next accusation so easily; when Walt says he needs Jesse's help, Jesse snaps, "The last time I asked for your help, you said I hope you end up buried in a barrel in the Mexican desert." Jesse stomps back inside, leaving Walt on the law. And as if that wasn't bad enough, from behind Walt comes Tyrus and some thugs. And Tyrus has an electric cattle prod, one he's not afraid to use. He shocks Walt a few times, incapacitating him with one strike and reserving the other ones for malice. Tyrus does not care for Walt, you guys.

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Breaking Bad

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