Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 9 USERS: A-

I'd like to give a big fat shout-out to Marlys, who sent me some much-appreciated Buffy shooting scripts. See? I told you I accept bribes.

In the Master's lair, Colin is throwing stones into the pit of Jell-O when Darla enters. The Master asks her what happened to Zachary, and Darla replies, "The Slayer." The Master asks Colin what he would do, and Colin replies that he would "annihilate her." Oh come on! That's his big plan? Who elected this kid "Anointed One," anyway? For some reason, The Master seems impressed with this answer. Darla volunteers to do the job, but The Master has decided that he will send "the Three" to get the job done.

In an alley, three toughs with shaved heads are lighting their cigarettes. Three men wearing some light plate armor turn the corner and head towards the toughs, causing them to scatter. Now maybe I've just seen too many of my friends fall to the sister diseases of Renaissance Faire and the Society for Creative Anachronism, but when I come across people wearing armor in my day-to-day life I'm far more likely to snicker than run away.

At the Bronze, Willow and Buffy are sitting at a table. It's the night of the pre-fumigation party (squash a roach, get a drink) and Buffy is lost in her thoughts. Willow wonders if she's thinking about a guy, but Buffy says, " For us to have a conversation about a guy, there'd have to be a guy for us to have a conversation about. Is that a sentence?" Willow correctly deduces that Buffy is deficient in the guy department but asks, "What about Angel?" Buffy nixes that idea, saying, " I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month,'" but then she dreamily continues, "When he is around, it's like the lights dim everywhere else. You know how it's like that with some guys?" Willow says that she does know as she looks yearningly over at Xander, who is busy spastically dancing. Willow, she said "it's like the lights dim everywhere else," not "he's like a dim bulb." Which, to be fair, is a pretty accurate description of Angel too. On the dance floor Xander bumps into Cordelia (who has to have at least one scene because she's in the credits), who demands that he get his "extreme oafishness off [her] two-hundred-dollar shoes." Xander apologizes, but Cordelia rags on him some more, which prompts Xander to fight back with, "I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker," extra-loud so everyone else can hear. His mission complete, he goes to sit with Buffy and Willow. He asks what they're up to, and Willow replies, " Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by," before she's distracted by a cockroach. Xander suggests that they "stop this whirligig of fun," because he's getting "dizzy." Buffy decides to bail, and Willow and Xander unsuccessfully try to talk her out of it. Buffy takes off, and we see that Angel is there watching her from behind the stairs. She senses something and turns around, but he's disappeared. I was going to make a whole bunch of stalker jokes, but then I realized that since Angel's a 240-year-old vampire, he's probably not going to have the social skills necessary to relate to the typical California suburban teenager. Much like the RPG fans who would play his character in "Vampire: The Masquerade" or whatever.

On the street, Buffy is walking alone when she again senses someone watching her. She stops in her tracks and says, " It's late, I'm tired, and I don't wanna play games. Show Yourself." On cue, one of the Three drops down behind her. She spins around, all the better to stake him, but he grabs her arm. Two of Three approaches and grabs her other arm. They shove her up against a chain-link fence as Three of Three approaches. Buffy: "Look, I really don't want to have to fight all three of you. Unless I have to." And with that she kicks Three of Three in the crotch and elbows the vamp to her left. She tries to punch the other, but he blocks it and they quickly recapture her. Three of Three approaches her with a low growl in her throat.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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