Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 9 USERS: A-

Cut to the Master's Lair where the Three are kneeling in a row...offering their own lives in penance. One of them offers the Master a wooden spear, and he passes it to Darla. Darla walks behind the three as the Master kneels beside Colin. "With power comes responsibility. True, they did fail, but also true, we who walk at night share a common bond. The taking of a life -- I'm not talking about humans, of course -- is a serious matter." Colin asks if the Master is going to spare them, and one of the Three looks up hopefully. The Master considers it as he rises and says, " I am weary, and their deaths will bring me little joy." He starts to walk away with Colin, and behind them Darla raises her spear and smiles as she stakes the first of the three. The Master turns to Colin and says, "Of course, sometimes a little is enough." Oh, that wacky Master! I'm sure glad they refined his character when they recycled him in Season Three as the Mayor.

In the library, Giles puts out a sign that reads, "Library closed for filing. Please come back tomorrow." Inside, Buffy is checking out the cache of weapons. She seems particular enamored with the crossbow and says, "Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?" "Nothing. The crossbow comes later," corrects Giles as he takes it from her and instead comes back with two quarterstaffs. Giles warns her that it will "require countless hours of vigorous training." Buffy quips that Giles should join her in the twentieth century, since she's not going to be fighting "Friar Tuck." Giles prissily informs her that she'll "never know with whom or what [she'll] be fighting" as he puts on his helmet. He is heavily padded and reminds Buffy to put on her pads as well, but she sort of half-smirks and half-laughs as she tells him that she won't need any pads to fight Giles. Giles: "Well, we'll see about that. En garde!" They face off and Buffy makes short work of Giles, quickly knocking him to the ground. The too-many sharp cuts in this scene make me appreciate the dearly departed Jeff Pruitt and Sophia Crawford even more. I hope they don't go back to this style of fighting next season. Or the gymnastics-based crap from the pilot. From the floor, an astonished Giles croaks, "Good Let's move on to the crossbow."

Establishing shot of the Summers residence that evening. Buffy enters her room and looks around, calling, "Angel?" Angel steps out of the shadows as Buffy turns on a lamp and hands him a Ziploc bag, explaining that she brought him a bit of plateless dinner. Then Buffy asks him what he did all day, and Angel replies that he was reading. Did he bring a book with him? I can't imagine that anything Buffy would have on her shelf would capture his interest, I picture Buffy as mired pretty deep in the V.C. Andrews oeuvre. Buffy quickly glances at her diary and notices that it's out of place and jumps to the conclusion that Angel read it. She has a minor conniption fit, saying, " My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place! You don't even know what I was writing about! 'Hunk' can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your eyes are 'penetrating,' I meant to write 'bulging.'" "Buffy," interrupts Angel, but she runs right over him: "And 'A' doesn't even stand for 'Angel,' for that matter, it stands for... 'Achmet,' a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all." Angel explains that Buffy's mom moved her diary while she was straightening her room and that Angel "watched from the closet." Heh. I'll bet you did, Angel. Buffy realizes that she just spilled all of her secrets as Angel explains that he can't be around her anymore. I start to rejoice at this point, but it's short-lived, because Angel admits that all he "can every think about is how badly [he] want[s] to kiss" Buffy. Angel again says that he'd better go as Buffy sidles up closer to him. "I should..." "Go. You said." And then it happens. They kiss. I cry. Angel breaks off the kiss and backs away, hiding his face. Buffy wonders what's wrong, and Angel turns towards her with his game face on and growls. Buffy screams and Angel takes off through the window. Gosh -- I think there was probably a better way to handle that.

The next morning at school, Buffy is telling the gang about her encounter with Angel. Buffy hopefully asks Giles if a vampire is capable of being a good person. Giles shatters her hopes by saying, "A vampire isn't a person at all. It may have the movements, the, the memories, even the personality of the person that it took over, but i-it's still a demon at the core, there is no halfway." Buffy then wonders why Angel has helped her out of so many scrapes and speculates that it might be part of the Master's plan. No, not his, but rather that of the great and powerful god Whedon, who has taken a personal interest in making your life a living hell (pardon the pun) for at least the next four years. Buffy and Willow sit down on a bench; Xander, King of Cretins, reminds Buffy that as the Slayer she has a duty to dispatch Angel. Buffy just sits there morosely and Xander says, "I know you have feelings for this guy, but it's not like you're in love with him, right?" When Buffy doesn't answer and instead just looks away, Xander exclaims, "You're in love with a vampire? What are you, outta your mind?" A just approached Cordelia inquires, "What?" Xander quickly recovers, "How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates them!" You know, if Xander is so quick with the clever cover-up, you'd think that he'd have the sense to keep his trap shut in the first place. Cordelia's comment was apparently directed at another girl who is wearing the same dress as she. The girl continues to scurry off with Cordelia in hot pursuit, haranguing her. "Where did you get that dress? This is a one-of-a-kind Todd Oldham. Do you know how much this dress cost? Is this a knockoff?" After checking the label of the other girl's dress, she proclaims, "This is a knockoff, isn't it?! Some cheesy knockoff! This is exactly what happens when you sign these free trade agreements!" Hee.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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