Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 4 USERS: C+
Hell is in the eye of the beholder

Buffy: Angel! Hot enough for ya?
Angel: Buff! What're you in for?
Buffy: Killing my boyfriend, of course! Just kidding. No, this Lily chick dragged me here.
Angel: Isn't her name Chanterelle? And what happened to her? She used to be hot!
Buffy: Shut up! But, word. What's with the hair?
Lily: That's really mean, you guys.
Buffy: Okay, okay. So Angel, I have kind of missed you. I even ran away from home!
Angel: Buffy, you stabbed me through the heart with a sword. How about we keep things on the down low for a while?
Buffy: You're right. So, working hard? Or hardly working?

Or some such. Anyway, it's Ramon's signal to appear and launch into a boring speech. Blah blah blah hell-is-the-absence-of-hope-cakes. He explains that time moves much more quickly in their current reality, which is why Rickie aged so many years while no time had passed on Earth. Frankly, I enjoyed that concept a lot more when I was ten and read The Chronicles of Narnia. And last year, when I reread them. He congratulates Buffy on getting her wish "to run away from whatever it is [she] used to be, to disappear."

Buffy, Lily, and several other kids are brought before a demon guard for orientation. Fun! You get to meet new people, sign up for classes, and go to keggers! Oh, wait. The guard tells them they can do nothing but work. Well, welcome to Buzzkill U., then. They're treating Buffy way more roughly than the others, which begs the question: Why didn't they just kill her when she was unconscious? They obviously perceived her as a threat, and they could easily have picked up another kid on the street. Sorry, Ramon, but you're not very good at running a hell-forge. Maybe you can still get your job back at the health club. Oh wait, you'll be dead in ten minutes. Never mind. Anyway, the guard tells the kids, "You are no one now." Right. Let's practice. Demon Guard asks a boy at one end of the line, "Who are you?" He stammers, "Aaron." Wrong answer. He's banned from the frat house. Also, Demon Guard clocks him with a club. Buffy seems to steel herself at that. Then, to Lily, "Who are you?" Lily, finally showing a capacity for cognitive learning, cheeps, "No one!" Ding ding ding! You've been voted Girl Most Likely Not To Get Clocked On The Head By The Demon Guards! Then it's Buffy's turn. "Who are you?" She looks him straight in the eye, and with a bright smile she says, "I'm Buffy, the vampire slayer! And you are?" Heh. He tries to beat her down, but she makes short work of the three guards, and instructs the kids to follow her.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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