Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C+ | Grade It Now!
We fall to pieces

Previously, everyone dumped everyone else, the Legion of Dim spied on Buffy, Dawn's kleptomania issues were exposed, and oh yeah -- Buffy, in a hallucinogenic fugue state, tried to kill all her nearest and dearest. Just another day in Sunnydale.

Two vamps run through a cemetery, pursued by the Legion of Dim riding ATVs with big stakes on front. Huh. I don't think you could actually stake a vamp in the heart with those things. That's kinda lame. Where are the super-soakers with holy water? Andrew worries that the vamps are going to get away, and Jonathan expositions that they desperately need the disk that the vamps are carrying. One of the vamps knocks a nerd off his ATV, and the others quickly crash, thus giving the vamps time to make a run for a nearby gate. They think they're home free, but in actuality they've got Slayer problems. Buffy fights with the vamps, and while she's so occupied, Warren creeps up behind her and grabs the dropped disk. Suddenly one of the vamps rises into the air, and the camera pulls back to reveal Spike sitting on top of the gate, effortlessly swinging the vamp by the collar. He asks how Buffy is handling things, and although she's struggling slightly, she claims to have the sitch under control. Spike offers to take care of the vamp he has restrained if Buffy will do one simple little thing for him. Buffy has obviously heard all of this before; she doesn't miss a beat in exasperatedly saying that she's not going to tell her friends about them. Now that their "relationship" is over, I can't figure out why Spike would want the Scoobs to know so badly, except to try to exert some weird control over her. After refusing Spike's deal, Buffy neatly calls Spike's bluff by saying that while she won't tell the Scoobs, he is more than welcome to, since the events of the last episode have shown her that even when she tries to murder her peeps, they looooove her, so they'll be able to deal with her sleeping with Spike. Can I just give Buffy two cheers and a few hearty props for finally standing up to Spike's creepy emotional manipulation? Faced, Spike! Of course, Buffy's logic only holds up if she forgets everything she's ever known about Xander. The writers certainly have. Buffy turns to walk away as Spike lets his captive loose (why didn't that dumb vamp wiggle out of his coat at some point?). The vamp quickly runs after Buffy instead of running the other way to save his own undead ass, but stops and turns with a look of total "Da fuck?" when Spike calls out, "In that case why don't you sleep with me again?" Buffy nonchalantly stakes the vamp and sighs, "Because I don't love you." "Like hell," sulks Spike. Delusional much?

Xander's new apartment that I've been unable to come up with a catchy name for. Sep keeps trying to sell me on The Non-Basement of Debasement, but I think she's lost her edge. The set dressers are really overdoing it with the red light that's everywhere, but I guess it's not as anvilicious as if they had used blue light. Because Xander is, quite clearly, feeling blue. He's sitting on the floor, listening to country music and drinking out of a dark brown bottle that's supposed to be beer, but he's cleverly covering the label so parents across the land can tell their kids that it's only sarsaparilla. He looks purty sad. Oh well. He gets up, grabs his coat off the chair, and takes off. As he walks down the front walk, the camera pans over to some bushes, and Anya steps out from behind them, looking like some sort of misplaced Spiegel model in her sensible gray turtleneck and mulberry overcoat. She turns to the camera and says, "The worsted wool of this stylish yet affordable coat will keep you warm on the endless string of cold and lonely nights after your beloved leaves you at the altar. It also comes in heather gray!" Also, her hair looks like chicken-fried ass. I guess she's in pain too.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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