Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Strega: C | 2 USERS: B
All wet

When we return from the ads, nothing new has happened. The demon helpfully reminds the boys that they hired him to "create carnage and chaos" and claimed to be powerful magicians. A shoot-'em-up game plays on the TV in the background. The boys insist that they are powerful, and Jonathan adds, "We're like super-villains." Which they are. If you're talking about The Tick. They all laugh evilly. Kinda. The demon asks which one is the leader, and all the boys answer, "I am." Then the demon says he will kill their leader, and everyone points at each other and insists, "He is." The demon obligingly says he'll kill all three of them. Jonathan whines, "No fair!" and climbs out of the beanbag chair. He says that it's not their fault that Buffy was at the bank, and adds, "We said we'd pay you, and we're gonna." Huh? They did get money from the bank robbery. So…they can pay the demon right now. I don't understand what the problem is. Warren and Andrew hurry up and kneel next to Jonathan, pointedly praising his leadership. "You guys suck," Jonathan notes. He's distracted when the demon grabs him by the neck and lifts him up, hissing, "You can't pay me with paper, tiny king. You pitted me against the Slayer. For that, I must kill you." Oh. Well, that answers my question. But then, how were they going to pay the demon in the first place? Andrew and Warren chuckle at Jonathan's imminent demise until the demon goes on to say that he will use Jonathan's bones to beat the other two to death. At that, Warren hops up and demands that they "back things up a parsec." Which is a unit of distance, as all geeks know, since they're constantly whining about the term being misused in Star Wars.

Warren claims that if the demon spares them, they'll give him...something. The demon needs specifics, but obligingly drops Jonathan to the ground. Warren says they can give the demon anything he wants. Jonathan adds, "Like, you want a spell to make you look super-cool to the other demons? I'm all over that action, my friend." Heh. Warren offers to build the demon a robot girlfriend, "For those long, lonely nights after a hard day's slaughter." The demon's interested, but Andrew interjects, "Don't trust him. Robo-pimp-daddy's all mouth." Warren replies, "You're just mad [that] I wouldn't build you Christina Ricci!" Andrew vaguely threatens Warren, causing Warren to snicker, "You'll train another pack of devil-dogs to ruin my prom? Graduated." Andrew finally explains who the heck he is by whining, "That wasn't me! How many times do I have to say it? The prom thing was my lame-o brother, Tucker." Jonathan complains that he was at the devil-dog-infested prom. Andrew wipes his hands past his face and says, "Hello? Screen-wipe -- new scene! I had nothing to do with the devil-dogs! I trained flying demon monkeys to attack the school play!" Heh. I like Andrew. 'Cause, hey, monkeys! Wish we'd seen that episode. Although with the animated thing, we probably will. I take it back. Warren admits that the demon monkeys were cool, and Jonathan chirps, "Yeah, everyone was like all, 'Run, Juliet!'" Hearty chuckles all around, until the demon roars, "Enough!" The demon says he doesn't want "your toys, or your spells, [or] flying monkey demons." Hang on, the monkey demons could fly, too? Cool. Anyway, the demon says, "I want the Slayer dead!" The Legion of Dim (Dim being really Dim) quickly agree. Warren asks for a minute to conference with his friends, and they move across the basement to "nail down the optimum method for [them] to wipe out that Slayer." The demon expresses a preference for there to be some pain involved. For Buffy, one assumes. So the demon wants to kill the Slayer because she kept him from robbing the bank, although she didn't really prevent it since they did get money, and I'd still really like to know what the original plan here was. And I realize that this is just a wacky establishing story and all, but threats to kill the Slayer? Kind of losing some of their tension. How many times can she get killed? Maybe the show will become like Aeon Flux, and she'll die at the end of every episode. That'd be fun.

Buffy says, "I know they're so cute you could die, but it's all I got." She's making up a bed on the couch for Giles, using cutesy children's sheets. She claims that she couldn't find the guest sheets, and maybe she should ask Willow and Tara where they are? Whatever. Blah blah, mom's dead, sheets don't fit, need a sofa-bed-cakes. The need for a new sofa makes for a not-at-all forced segue to Buffy's money troubles. Giles asks how bad the situation is, and Buffy says she's trying not to think about it. Giles thinks that's a good plan for the evening, and Buffy responds, "Figured I'd put it out of my mind, y'know, take a break, get some perspective, and then wake up at 4 AM, terrified." Giles says that she's putting too much pressure on herself, and adds, "To return from some unknown level of Hell -- it's only natural that coming back would be a process." Buffy doesn't flinch at the big Hell-lie, and quietly notes, "In the meantime, I'm scaring people." Giles says that may take time, too, and that "life can get overwhelming even for people who haven't been...where [Buffy has]." He says that tomorrow he'll sit down with Buffy and go over the bills and they'll work something out. Hooray for grown-ups. Buffy's glad he's back, and Giles in turn is glad she's back, but not so glad that he's going to stick with this disintegrating show much longer, of course. Buffy sighs and wanders off to bed, and Giles stares after her, concerned.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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