Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Strega: C | 2 USERS: B
All wet

The Legion of Dim looks around their redecorated basement lair with pride. Leather chairs instead of beanbags, ugly blue carpeting, and a periscope are among the new features. Warren comments, "We got the money. We got the lair. And our one loose end's been taken care of by the Slayer." That rhymed. He punctuates his words by lifting up a flame-thrower and trying it out. That seems like a dangerous thing to do indoors. Andrew toys with the periscope, which, by the way has "5 4 12" inscribed upon it. And, rumor has it, the word "geek" in Cyrillic. Heh. Andrew turns the periscope and announces, "It looks like your mom's weeding tulips again." The screen behind him shows a woman weeding. In case you thought Andrew would make up an exciting story like that. Jonathan gestures to a cabinet and says, "Action figures -- fully deployed." Andrew raises up the periscope, having focused it on a bathing beauty. There are also targeting lines on the screen, which weren't there before. Andrew sits down and says, "We can do anything. We could stay up all night if we wanted!" Oh come on -- they're, like, twenty, right? I hung out with the geekiest of geeks in high school, and even then "Ooo, we can stay up late" wasn't a big deal. Jonathan worries that "sooner or later, the Slayer's gotta come after us." Warren suggests that they could hypnotize her. "Make her our willing sex-bunny," Andrew adds eagerly. Jonathan adds "Hypnotize Buffy" to the list on the whiteboard. Andrew says, "Is this the life or what? I mean, here we got all the stuff we ever wanted, and we didn't have to..." "Earn it?" Warren finishes. Andrew says, "Exactamundo." No, really, he did. Jonathan observes that "life is like an interstellar journey. Some go into hypersleep and travel at sub-light speeds, only to get where they're going after years of struggle, toil and hard, hard work. We, on the other hand..." It's Andrew's turn to finish a sentence: "Blasted through the space-time continuum in a wormhole?" Jonathan declaims, "Crime is our wormhole!" and lights a cigar with a burning bill. Andrew starts nattering on about wormhole physics until Warren interrupts by saying, "Dude. Don't be a geek." See, that was funny because...anybody want to suggest an end for that sentence? Andrew?

Willow and Dawn sit on the couch, trying to repair the broken lamp. Xander tries to fix the coffee table while Anya and Buffy look over the bills again. Anya, who is wearing a shirt with a picture of what appears to be Dale Evans on horseback, shows Buffy an estimate of her debt. Buffy wonders, "I've trashed this house so many times. How did Mom pay for this?" Xander suggests that Joyce saved money on "this crappy-ass coffee table." Anya suggests using the magic of credit cards, but Buffy insists that she will "definitely, probably not be doing that." Giles and Tara wander into the room, and Giles says, "I know I'm back in America now; I've been knocked unconscious." Tara wonders what the demon was trying to do. Buffy says that "he's way too dead to answer that question," and wonders who hired him. Willow cheerfully offers to do a "locator spell," but when Giles looks at her, she thinks better of the idea. Xander wackily announces that the coffee table is a lost cause, because he is wacky that way. Dawn admits that repairing the lamp is hopeless, too. Willow suggests that they put everything in the trash, so that later she can do a dangerous spell and try to summon them back from furniture heaven. She, Tara, Anya, and Xander troop out. Boy, I hope Anya and Xander don't discuss their engagement while they're outside, because I'd hate to miss one of those conversations.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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