Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Go Fish

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | 5 USERS: D+
"Do You Have Any Decent Episodes We Could Air This Week?"

Buffy grabs the guy off Jonathan, noting a cartoon fish tattooed on his right upper arm, and tosses him away. Cameron chuckles, saying he had it coming. It's funny when you're not the one getting beaten up by a girl, right, jerky? A third swimmer invites Tattoo Boy to take a little "night dip" in a way that couldn't possibly be interpreted as homoerotic or anything. Buffy tries to attend to Jonathan, but he huffily says he can handle it himself, and stomps off. I guess Buffy and I must have imagined that girly shriek of "Somebody help me!" I'd suggest it was Cordy throwing her voice, as I understand she's into that these days, but I don't think she could get it to quite that high a register. Tattoo Boy and Shaved Head walk as Tattoo Boy bitches about Buffy. He stops, and Shaved Head walks on. Tattoo Boy seems to hear a voice from the ocean, and starts toward it. Shaved Head, who's got a pretty fey walk, suddenly scrunches up his nose like a brontosaurus farted, and turns around. Tattoo Boy is nowhere to be seen. Shaved Head goes to look for him, but passes a point off-camera from which we can hear a strangled cry. The camera pans left, and there's a steaming pile of torn skin, on a bit of which is the tattoo. The last thing we see is a Black Lagoon-type creature escaping into a large drainpipe. Credits.

I'd like to note that according to the IMDb, Wentworth Miller, the guy who played Gage, not only went to Princeton, but was a Tigertone. I hope Sars and Chuck get as much of a snicker out of that as I did.

Willow walks around the computer lab, supervising her class's efforts to make pie charts. Mmm, pie. She gets to Shaved Head, calling him "Gage," and notes that he's playing solitaire with naked-lady cards. Gage: "What's your point?" I'll try this one: You're a dick? The bell rings, and Gage leaves, but not before Snyder stops him to congratulate him on his performance in the previous day's meet. After all the kids are gone, Snyder tells Willow he's been having trouble finding a competent teacher this late in the term, and asks Willow if she would continue to sub through finals. She happily accepts, and he notes that she's a team player. "A team player wants everyone on the team to succeed." Ah, the pungent smell of bullshit in the morning. And you thought Tattoo Boy smelled bad last night. He goes on that he hears that there's a problem with "Gage Petronzi." Yeah -- the name. Willow says that he won't do homework or even show up for tests, but Snyder cares about as much as I do about whether Andrew Firestone will ever find true love, and asks Willow how, when the school could win its first state championship in fifteen years, she could give Gage a grade that would force his suspension from the swim team. He belabors the "I strongly reconsider you change the grade" shtick, and when I'm sick of Snyder seven minutes in, you know this episode's going to suck.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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