Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Go Fish

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | 5 USERS: D+
"Do You Have Any Decent Episodes We Could Air This Week?"

Cut to the school nurse's office. The nurse is played by Conchata Ferrell, and with Charles Cyphers playing the swim coach, this is a pretty sad showcase for two accomplished character actors. The nurse puts an ice pack over Cameron's nose as Buffy tells Snyder she wasn't the attacker, but he says that's not how it looked from where he was standing. Of course, he was standing in I'll Personally Blow The Entire Team If They'll Only Win The Championshipville, but you already knew that, didn't you? Cameron pipes up that she led him on, and implies that she's a slut because of how she dresses. I'll point out not only that Buffy's skirt is longer than most of her Season One choices, but also that it is southern California. In spring. Shut up, Cameron. The coach enters, all gut and grey hair, and says that the nose isn't actually broken, and shouldn't the diagnosis be left to the fucking nurse? Snyder wonders whether they can still win the championship, and Coach Grey Gut says that he'll need Cameron back, as he's the best swimmer, since Dodd [ominous pause]. He's talking about Tattoo Boy, but since they couldn't even be bothered to tell us his name until his skin had long been converted to excrement by seagulls, I'll stick to Tattoo Boy, should he be mentioned again. Buffy asks what happened to him, but Snyder says that's none of her concern. He tells Cameron to hit the steam room, asks the nurse, "Ruthie" (what did Conchata do to be named after a bitchy 7th Heaven character?) to take care of his "boy," and orders Buffy to dress more appropriately, as "this isn't a dance club." Good one. Snyder and Cameron smirk like the coach is funnier than Chris Rock or something. Whatever.

In the library, Buffy monoblurts about what happened until Giles, Willow, and Xander each look up with the same weary expression. I feel you, guys. Especially you, Giles. Buffy, having taken longer to get back to earth than The Red Balloon, finally settles down enough to ask if there's anything new, and Giles dryly thanks her for her interest. He tells her that Tattoo Boy's remains were found on the beach. She asks if it was a vampire attack, but Giles says he was eviscerated, and there was only skin and cartilage left. Xander: "In other words, this was no boating accident." And you are no Richard Dreyfus. Which isn't too sad for you, now that I think of it. Giles says that Snyder has asked the faculty to keep a lid on the news, and that they're looking for a demon that eats people whole except for the skin. Buffy says that that doesn't make sense, and Xander agrees that the skin is the best part. Buffy: "Any demons with high cholesterol?" Two forty at last check, but I've been working out. Giles fixes her with a look. Buffy: "You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh." The way the dialogue's been in this episode so far, she's probably right.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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