Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Go Fish

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | 5 USERS: D+
"Do You Have Any Decent Episodes We Could Air This Week?"

Pool. Coach Grey Gut calls for the swimmers to "take positions" (I never heard that; every starter for every race I swam in said, "Take your mark") and blows the whistle. Buffy, Willow, and Cordy watch. Gage, for some reason, stops in the middle of the lap and takes off his goggles. He looks into the stands, and, seeing Buffy, smiles and waves. Aw. Now I really wish we'd gotten to see that walk home. Gage totally doesn't have any bite marks on his neck, though. Buffy, a little bemused, waves back. Coach Grey Gut yells at Gage, and he resumes swimming. Cordy: "So he spit it out?" Whoa! Oh, she's talking about Angelus. Buffy speculates that Gage's blood wasn't palatable because it contained steroids. They quickly realize that that would explain the swimmers' behavioral changes and winning streak, and Willow surmises that what's in their blood is attracting the creature to them. In these ten seconds, the Scoobs exchanged more information and showed more brainpower than in the whole of Season Seven. I really cannot fathom how the writers expect us to believe that they never, ever talk. Not that I'd want to talk to any of them these days, but I don't think that's what they were going for.

Anyway, Cordy is telling them that the research has been a bust when she's distracted by something. She starts to lick her lips as the camera slowly pans up a swimmer, complete with bamp-chicka-bamp-bamp music, until we get to the face and see it's Xander. He looks pretty good, I'll admit, but since I've already mentioned Jesse Bradford, I'll opine that he has similar coloring and build to Xander and is about a hundred times cuter, so I'm not exactly using the pause button here. Cordy and Willow call his name, and he covers his naughty bits with a kickboard. Hee. Cordy asks what he's doing, and he says he's undercover. It's Buffy who gets the obligatory joke: "Not under much." Sigh. Cordy bitches a bit more, but when Xander explains that he is, as of the night before, a legitimate member of the swim team, her attitude changes in a hurry. Coach Grey Gut yells at Xander, and he goes to rejoin the team. He climbs up on one of the starting blocks as Buffy asks Willow if Jonathan was involved. Willow tells her he just peed in the pool. Buffy: "Oh." When Xander dives in, all the girls' eyes go wide. Hee.

Steam room. Xander sits down with the rest of the team and starts gabbing away. We pan down to a grate in the floor outside, which the fish creature reaches up from below and removes. Outside the locker room, Buffy waits. Xander emerges and says Gage will be right out. Inside, Gage is lacing up his sneakers when he starts sniffing the air, and then sniffs his armpits. Dude, I don't think the shooting script is in there. He walks around the locker room, following his nose. Outside, Buffy is pacing when she hears Gage yell. This time she rushes in with no hesitation to find him confronted by the fish monster. Lord, I feel sorry for whoever had to put on that rubber suit. Buffy pushes Gage away, but realizes something's wrong when he continues to yell. He opens his shirt, and starts peeling off his skin until soon, Buffy's got a fish monster on each side of her. The song "Fish Heads" just popped into my head for some reason. Break.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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