Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Go Fish

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | 5 USERS: D+
"Do You Have Any Decent Episodes We Could Air This Week?"

In the library, Xander, who's wearing a shirt that must have had the letters "O" and "P" removed from it for product-placement contract failure reasons, is panicking that he's going to change into a fish as well. His panic is understandable, although it seems reasonable to assume that, since he's the most recent addition to the team, unless everyone ends up changing, he's probably safe. Cordy moans, "It's one thing to be dating the lame, unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the Creature From The Blue Lagoon." Xander: "Black Lagoon. The creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields." Well, give Brooke a few more years, Xander. ["Especially with those brows. Come to think of it, has anyone seen her and Cameron together?" -- Sars] Buffy suggests that they lock up the rest of the swim team "before they get in touch with their inner halibut," and Giles says they need an antidote to the steroid gas. Willow volunteers to interview Conchata. Good luck with that. Buffy says she's going to talk to the coach.

Buffy confronts Coach Grey Gut. He denies his involvement at first, but then tells her about some Soviet experiments with fish DNA, and this whole explanation is lifted almost wholesale from The X-Files, although making a high school swim coach an evil genetic engineer is a twist, I'll grant you. The sort of twist that you get when you think you have appendicitis. Believe me, I know. They posture a bit until the coach opens his desk, gets out a gun, and orders her into "the hole." Which show am I recapping again? She complies. The coach says he cares about his boys. Great. Buffy starts as Conchata's half-eaten corpse floats by. Wouldn't she have drowned before she was eaten? I can't believe I still have the wherewithal to notice such things. That's what I get for recapping sober. Buffy asks if she's going to share the same fate as Conchata, but the coach smiles that while the boys aren't hungry, they do have "other needs." Please. They're wearing three-ply body condoms, for fuck's sake.

Cordy and Xander enter the pool area, but Xander goes to check if his neck has gone scaly. Cordy walks a little bit, and behind her, a fish creature runs and dives into the pool, like, I'm sure that a creature with fish DNA would want to swim in chlorinated water. Cordy thinks the fish creature is Xander, and if they wanted us to think the same, they might have shortened some of the "dramatic" pauses so that the interval between Xander going off-screen and the fish thing appearing was more than ten fucking seconds. And that's not an estimate -- I timed it. Anyway, Cordy, wearing an outfit that from the waist up wouldn't look completely out of place on Little House On The Prairie, gives a speech about how she'll be supportive, until Xander finally reappears. The fish thing breaks the surface and grabs at them, and they run away.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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