Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Hell's Bells

Episode Report Card
Ace: C | 1 USERS: D+
A Match Made In Sunnydale

Previously on Buffy: Spike and Buffy were an item; Xander proposed to Anya; Tara and Willow broke up; Buffy dumped Spike; Hallie the vengeance demon helped Dawn make a wish. There comes a certain point in every season when a recapper wearies of the previouslys.

Buffy and Willow are in Buffy's room. They're gasping at disgust at something in front of them. "Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy! Look at its arms!" exclaims Willow, making a blech face. "I know. But it's my duty," replies Buffy, and we cut to both the girls reflected in a full-length mirror. They're wearing peacock-green satin gowns, with square necks and tiers of flamenco-like flounces around the bottom. Both dresses have a huge floppy green flower at the breast, and Willow's has tiered chiffon sleeves. The green color of the dresses is very hard to describe; it's not emerald, or kelly, and it resides in a strange realm somewhere between green and blue. It would be the number-one color choice for your prom dress if your prom's theme was "Under the Sea." As rain pours down outside the window, Willow sulks that she has to wear one of the bridesmaid's gowns even though she's the best man. "Shouldn't I be all Marlene Dietrich-y in a dashing tuxedo number?" she whines. My poor beleaguered corneas, reeling in pain from being forced to see Willow's red hair vibrating against the perverted green of her dress scream, "Yes! Yes! Put on a tuxedo, Willow!" Buffy sits on the bed to put on her earrings as Willow suggests that perhaps they could still "go with the traditional blood larvae and burlap" of traditional demon wedding attire. The sleeves on Willow's dress actually look like some sort of larvae have consumed her arms. Buffy and Willow rehash the fact that Xander's relatives and Anya's demon friends are two great tastes that don't taste great together, and Willow mentions that the rehearsal dinner was "like a zoo without the table manners." Seems Anya told all of Xander's relatives that her demon friends are "circus folk," and the Harrises were drinking and behaving badly. Mr. Harris even threw up in Buffy's purse. Snerf. As we hear these lovely details of the matrimonial process, Anya hurries into the room and gasps in admiration at Buffy and Willow in their dresses. "You guys look so beautiful," she coos. Yeah, like hell's belles. Anya rushes over to give them a hug. "This is the happiest day of my life!" Uh oh. Famous last words. Willow makes a hilarious face at Buffy over Anya's shoulder.

Xander is at his apartment, searching for his cuff links. He asks Uncle Rory if he's seen them, and gets a lecture about Velcro being what he wants. The legendary Uncle Rory is not being played by Bruce Campbell, as so many fans had hoped. I'm disappointed about this too, and I would much rather have seen Bruce Campbell in boxers and an open bathrobe than the pot-bellied, gray-haired guy they did get to play Uncle Rory. Guess that's kinda the point, though. Rory continues to fiddle with the coffee machine as Xander greets a knotty-skinned guy who must be one of Anya's guests. An obviously human woman and child stare at Knotty Guy as he looks in the fridge. Rory fakes being electrocuted by the coffee machine, and Knotty Guy offers to take a look it, as the little girl in the background puffs on her asthma inhaler. Go, little sister! I feel your constricted bronchial tubes. I hope we're not supposed to think she's hateful like the rest of Xander's family just because she has asthma. I'd have to take offense at that. Knotty Guy's name is Krelvin. As he looks at the coffeemaker, the door opens, and Xander's mother and father enter. Without saying hello, Xander's dad roughly chides him for not being ready, and his mother instantly starts nagging, "Look at my hair! Of course, I suppose it doesn't really matter because I won't actually be in any of the pictures." As if this is a complaint he has heard many times before, Xander assures her that she will be in the pictures. Mr. Harris ignores this exchange and instead starts staring at Krelvin, finally asking if Krelvin is "one of hers." Xander tries to make nice, reminding his father that he met Krelvin at the rehearsal dinner. "Yeah, we met," chimes in Krelvin. "You said I resembled your mother-in-law, and then you hit me with a cocktail wiener and then you insulted my heritage." Sounds like trouble. Mr. Harris isn't fazed at all, though, sneering that he "means no disrespect" and then proceeding to be, well, really disrespectful. Xander pushes his mother, who is fussing with his buttons, away and stomps off towards his bedroom. On the way, he's stopped by his cousin Carol, who wants to know what her chances are with Krelvin and who is, for some reason, wearing Xander's cuff links as her earrings. "Nothing on earth can stop this wedding now," exclaims Xander. Famous last, last words.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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