Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C | 2 USERS: A
Him? Huh.

Cut to Casa Summers later that evening. Buffy ineptly tries to reassure a sobbing Dawn through the closed bathroom door. God! This is so boring. Nothing about this episode is new or insightful or meaningful in any way, and I have no sympathy or compassion for the character of Dawn in this setting. I imagine that most of the viewers watching have already lived through adolescence at least once, if only on this very show, and I just don't have the time or energy for a painfully inept retread. I might have forgiven the people in charge of Buffy for turning it into a crap show, but I'll never forgive them for turning into a boring one. Dawn yells at Buffy to go away as Xander ambles around the corner. Buffy tries to cancel on video night with Xander, but he thinks that despite the histrionics, it's still better than the undead houseguest he's got waiting for him at home. Speaking of compassion and sympathy, I have it for Xander in droves. I can't describe how uncomfortable it's made me on those few occasions when I've been forced to live with someone I loathe. Xander deserves kudos for taking Spike in at all. Can you imagine dealing with the dried blood residue in your coffee mugs, the Weetabix shreds ground into your carpet, and the way he would always be taping his "stories" over your archived Next Generation tapes? As further enticement for being allowed to stay, Xander states that "teens in a snit" like pizza, and offers to order some. Dawn throws open the bathroom door and grits out, "It. Is. Not. A. Snit." She tearfully wails some more about how she "blew it" with the guy of her dreams, but Buffy's attention is caught by a flash of yellow and maroon on the bathroom floor. Dawn stalks off to her room and Buffy bends over for a close look at her old cheerleader uniform, which is all slashed to pieces. Oh, the drama!

Dawn is supine on her bed when Buffy comes to confront her about the outfit. Buffy goes to sit by Dawn on the bed, and reassures her that things will be brighter in the morning, especially as she doesn't really even know this guy. "I do know him," protests Dawn, sitting up. "I know his soul." I check the remote to make sure that I haven't accidentally changed the channel to the WB and gone forward in time to Wednesday at 8:00 PM. Nope -- I'm still watching Buffy, not Dawson's Creek. Which, by the way, is how I'd like to keep it, so maybe the writers could just LAY OFF THE CRACK. I mean, I know that they're trying to lampoon shows like DC here. And, to borrow possibly the most overused phrase this season, I get that. I really do. But maybe what the staff of ME needs to realize is that, after turning what was once an irreverent and creatively fresh teen drama into the steaming pile of excrement that was last season, after "Wrecked" and "Two To Go" and "Grave," after transforming brilliantly clever metaphors into "Gay now!" and taking every opportunity for a cheap breast joke, they lost the right to lampoon anything. And frankly, they have a lot more work to do before they're going to be able to earn that right back. So. Back to the lack of action. "It's love," insists Dawn, before turning on Buffy and telling her that she's too dysfunctional to understand what real love is. "Just go. Leave me alone." I was waiting for a classic, "Get out. Get out. GET OUT!" but it was not to be.

The next day at school, Dawn walks down the stairs just in time to hear RJ's teammate tell RJ that he's going to replace him as the...starting thingy in the game this weekend. RJ looks upset. Dawn determinedly stalks after RJ's friend. As she catches up to him, she barks, "You can't do this to RJ!" and then pushes him violently up the stairs. Oh! In my perfect fantasy world, Dawn is going to juvie!

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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