Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C | 2 USERS: A
Him? Huh.

Principal Wood's office. Dawn is explaining to Principal Wood that the kid "stumbled and fell" while a concerned Buffy looks on. Dawn neatly talks her way out of trouble, and all my fantasies of Dawn locked in a small room far, far away from me die. The Principal asides that he's going to have to call the coach and "tell him the bad news." "At least he's still got RJ," moons Dawn. At the mention of RJ, Buffy's face clouds over.

Dawn walks down the hall; RJ bounds up behind her, calling her by her last name. Oh, that's not good. Guys who are interested in you? Either tease you mercilessly or are rendered practically mute by your presence. Guys who call you by your last name think of you as "a friend" or "one of the guys," and will remain oblivious to your very existence as a member of the opposite sex and girlfriend potential, even though you help them type up their English essays and give them the Ding-Dongs out of your lunch bag. And then they'll just give you blank looks and make guppy faces while they RIP YOUR HEART IN TWO when you finally screw up your courage to tell them that you really like them, when it should have been so obvious to any half-sentient being because you spent the last eighty-seven weekends watching NASCAR with them. Because who likes watching NASCAR anyway? All of these stupid little super-fast cars that don't even ever GO ANYWHERE. Um. Sorry to wrap you up in my issues there. Anyway. RJ thinks that it's cool that Dawn braved Wood for him, and then asks Dawn if she'd like to go out that night.

Bronze. The Breeders play as kids in the audience flail around. The Breeders? Weren't they washed up, like, ten years ago? The last time they had a hit, these kids were in, like, kindergarten. Pan across to a table where Buffy, Xander, and Willow all sit. Xander is filling everyone in on the Spike situation, wondering if Spike's soul means he should be picking up his wet towels. Willow interjects that maybe the change in Spike means that he feels "really bad about leaving them there." Heh. Buffy glances into the crowd and spies RJ, which causes her to quickly bring Willow up to speed on the whole situation. "Check out the fan club," is Willow's dry response. Cut to a bouncy (in all senses of the word) and curly-haired Miss Thang shaking it. I'm deeply disturbed that MT knows how to move her hips like that. "Daddy like," growls Xander. Ew. "What is that shirt made of?" wonders Buffy. "Paint?" Buffy mentions that she's grateful that Dawn isn't around to see her "her precious boyfriend getting all thrusty with some slut-bag hussy..." She trails off when the dancer turns towards the crowd and reveals herself as none other than Dawn.

Xander immediately starts freaking about his ill-timed "Daddy" comment of a moment ago, and Will considerately leans over and says, "Right there with ya." Heh. See? Now this is the type of "Gay now!" sentiment that won't set my teeth on edge. Buffy and the gang watch in horror some more as Dawn writhes on the dance floor. The song ends, and an unsuspecting Dawn strides right by her sister's table. Buffy pulls Dawn aside to deliver a lecture on the evils of premature teen hip-waggling. Furthermore, she is just shocked and appalled at the way Dawn is dressing. And she should know, considering that she used to consider approximately a bandanna-sized amount of cloth appropriate school attire. At least Dawn is wearing pants, y'know? Predictably, Dawn throws a teenage snit and attempts to brush past Buffy to rejoin RJ. Buffy vetoes that plan, so Dawn grabs her coat and flounces right on out of there. But it's more of a bitchy flounce than a whiny flounce, so at least she's moving up the evolutionary flouncing ladder.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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