Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 8 USERS: A-
BitchFest '98

I remember the thrill of anticipation I would get at 7:59 on Tuesday nights in 1998. I would feel such a frisson when the creepy music would play and the young viewer's advisory would appear. I miss those days, but recapping this episode takes me back, and the massive amount of snark in this episode means I barely have to do any work. Crank up the Bitch-O-Meter!

We open with a pensive (read: mopey) Buffy sitting in the Bronze. The camera pans out to reveal that she's surrounded by Cordy, Xander, Willow, and Oz. They're making plans for the Homecoming dance. Cordy and Willow want to get a limo. Xander's worried about the cost, and Oz suggests that they could take his van. Cordy: "Van? The Homecoming Queen doesn't go to the dance in a van. Use your head." Xander points out that she hasn't been elected yet. Now, I should tell you that I wasn't being hypothetical with that earlier mention of the Bitch-O-Meter. To keep track of the numerous bitchy moments in this episode, I decided to buy an actual Bitch-O-Meter. It rates bitchy moments on a scale of one to ten. It's on. We're ready. Here's the first example: Cordy shoots Xander that look where she stares at him and allows her jaw to drop a little in disbelief, sort of like, "You really screwed up saying that, but repent and all shall be forgiven." It gets a four on the Bitch-O-Meter. Xander does repent, even backpedaling on the limo issue. Willow thinks a limo would be fun, and that they could all split the cost. Buffy snaps out of her trance, and says she's not sure if she's going. Willow: "Why wouldn't you go? You already have your tickets! I mean, unless you don't have a da" -- Scott joins them and looks at Willow -- "ay or two to think about it. We should all think about it." Hee. Cordy asks if Scott didn't ask Buffy to the Homecoming dance. She didn't ask to embarrass Buffy, but of course that's the effect. Scott lisps that he thought Buffy would think it was corny, and this precipitates an "I'll go if you will" conversation that's really not boring or painful or tired at all!

Bitch-O-Meter: Dude, that was a five.
Couch Baron: What? You're supposed to be rating bitchy moments from the show, not my recap!
Bitch-O-Meter: Hey, I call 'em as I see 'em.
Couch Baron: Look. I bought you to help me with this recap. Stick to that, or I'll gravity-test you. We're on the twenty-first floor, you know.
Bitch-O-Meter: That was an eight.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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