Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | 44 USERS: A+

Thanks to all the people who entered our contest, and congratulations to the winners: Freyja, Kisle, and Clue. Thanks also to Ash, who helped type after I screwed up my back. Happy holidays everyone!

Buffy is sitting in Dr. Hardass's Psych class. I'm impressed by the pretty turquoise color of the blouse Buffy is wearing; however, ignorance is bliss, and little do I know the sartorial horror that awaits me in this episode. That previous sentence was foreshadowing, kids, as is most of Dr. Hardass's lecture. She's droning on about communication, which is not the same as language, and about moments of inspiration. She calls Buffy to the front of the class for a demonstration. We catch a quick view of the horrible skirt Buffy is wearing: khaki, bulky, and ankle-length with seventies-style patchwork appliqu├ęs at the bottom hem. Riley stands near the front of the room, arms crossed. Dr. Hardass tells Buffy to lie down on her desk and Buffy reluctantly slides up and reclines. Her blouse is actually quite ugly, featuring an asymmetrical bottom edge and strange gathers under the breasts. But it's still a nice color. The whole class looks on as the Prof asks Riley to "oblige." He looks nervous as he approaches Buffy, and Dr. H tells him to be a "good boy." Hmm, I'm getting a strange vibe from this scene. Do you think it could be a dream? Boy, I wonder. Riley wipes his palms on his jeans and leans in towards Buffy, wrapping one of his arms around her waist. I become obsessed with the fact that Riley's hand is bigger than Buffy's whole ribcage. Sarah Michelle Gellar looks so tiny in this scene! Buffy quietly says she feels strange, and Riley says, "Don't worry. If I kiss you, it'll make the sun go down." Huh? I'm not going to touch any "going down" jokes here. They kiss as the class watches, whispering, and as they kiss the room darkens and Riley pulls away from Buffy, revealing that the classroom is now empty. "Fortune favors the brave," says Buffy, apropos of nothing. We hear quiet singing coming from far away. Buffy walks out into the hall to investigate and sees a small blonde girl holding a carved box, who sing-songs, "Can't even shout; can't even cry; the Gentlemen are coming by. Looking in windows; knocking on doors; they need to take seven and they might take yours. Can't call to mom, can't say a word; you're gonna die a-screaming but you won't be heard." As Buffy stares at the little girl, Riley approaches her from behind. He places his hand on her shoulder, but when she turns around to see him, he's turned into a corpse-like face, with a hideous rictus of a grin. Scary!

Buffy wakes in Psych class as the students around her pack up their books to leave. Willow teases Buffy for falling asleep but assures her there was "minimum drool." Sadly, Buffy's horrible skirt wasn't just part of the dream and she's still wearing it. As she and Willow exit the classroom, Buffy admits she was having an intense dream and Riley butts in, saying that she looked so peaceful sleeping in class. Shut up, Riley. He asks the girls where they're headed, and Willow makes a diplomatic exit to attend her Wicca group. As Buffy and Riley walk away bantering about her dream, Willow hides behind her notebook and spies on them. She smiles with satisfaction that their conversation is going well and heads off in the other direction. Outside, Riley asks Buffy what she's doing that night and she says, "Oh, patrolling," and then tries to cover her blunder by stuttering, "Uh, petroleum!" Riley makes a crude oil joke -- which I could extrapolate to his hair but won't -- and Buffy asks him what he's doing. He says he's grading papers. Out in the sun, Sarah Michelle Gellar's chest is looking particularly bony and I wouldn't recommend any more low-cut blouses for her outdoor scenes, okay, wardrobe people? Buffy and Riley stand very close, talking about seeing each other later, about to kiss. Right before the moment of impact, Buffy tilts her head and asks, "What papers?" requiring Riley to embellish his lie about what he's doing that night (apparently, their class only has a final). They part ways and Buffy looks disappointed.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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