Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | 44 USERS: A+

Okay, you know that Levi's ad where the saucy invisible girl comes to see the schleppy invisible guy in his loft apartment and they "get it on"? Well, they've edited it down from the original version and they cut the part where the now-naked guy puts on his bathrobe before answering the door to find his mom. I know he's invisible and all, but that still disturbs me.

At the ex-Watcher's Tower (tm Kisle), Giles is on the phone with Buffy, jotting down the nursery rhyme Buffy heard in her dream. He tells her that the dream could have been prophetic or could just be "the eternal mystery that is [her] brain." He asks an unseen someone if he has heard of the Gentlemen and Spike comes into view, deliciously clad in a tight black t-shirt and looking through the cupboards in Giles's depressing little kitchen. Spike denies any knowledge of the group and crankily adds, "We're out of Weetabix." Giles replies, equally cranky, that Spike ate it all. When Spike demands he buy more, Giles snaps that he thought vampires ate blood. "Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood," says Spike, flopping down on the sofa, "Give it a little texture." Spike appears to be snacking on peanut butter and crackers, and I'd like to be snacking on him, because he looks so tasty in his t-shirt, tight black jeans, and battered combat boots. Giles is disgusted by Spike's dining habits and instructs him to get his own Weetabix.

Outside, Xander and Anya enter the courtyard, bickering about their relationship. Oh god -- Anya is wearing what from the front looks like an entirely reasonable, long-sleeved sweater, but a shot from behind reveals that it has no back and is just held together by a few ties. A garment like that is a crime against humanity and has no business existing. Anya is badgering Xander about not caring about her, and he jokes that she really did turn into a real girl. She doesn't take that well and demands to know what she means to him. Xander, with his greasy hair combed down over his ears, stutters, stumbles, and then tells her they'll talk it over later. They barge into Giles's house, who dryly mutters, "Thank you for knocking." Anya and Xander ignore him. "All you care about is lots of orgasms," declares Anya. Giles looks like he'd rather be anywhere than there and Spike sits up on the couch with a delighted look on his face. Xander becomes aware of their audience and remonstrates Anya about keeping private conversations private. Spike: "Go on!" Giles: "Please don't." Giles demands to know why Xander and Anya are at his house and when Xander informs him he got a message to swing by, Giles says, "I need you to take Spike for a few days." Hee hee, I love how Giles put that, like Spike is his pet dog. There's a triple "what?!" reaction from Spike, Xander, and Anya, and Spike insists that he won't stay with Xander. Giles explains that he has a friend coming to town that he'd like to be alone with. "Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?" asks Anya with a sassy head-shake. "Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said," sighs Giles. Xander declares that Spike will have to be tied up, Anya complains about the disruption of her romantic plans with Xander, and Spike exclaims, "I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away!" The conversation devolves into more bickering as Giles slumps into his chair and cups his forehead in his hand.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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