Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I Only Have Eyes For You

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | 10 USERS: B+
I Only Have Eyes For You

Buffy and Xander walk down the hall, discussing the strange events in her history class. In this shot, we finally get a good look at Buffy's outfit: fitted brown sleeveless top, tiny loincloth with a large slit, and knee-high brown suede boots. All in all, the look is trés Ayla, which reminds me of Xander's "clan of the cave Buffy" quote from "Beer Bad." Good quip -- bad episode. Sep still bears the mental scars from that recap. Bad times, bad times. Xander says the school motto is "Something weird is going on," and dismisses Buffy's dream and the chalkboard incident as "Hellmouth lite." He then opens his locker door and is violently grabbed by a huge green arm that shoots out from inside. The arm slams Xander into the lockers in its attempt to yank him in. Buffy manages to pull him loose and slams the locker shut. She and Xander, his shirt front shredded, look around at the other students in the hall and try to act nonchalant. Buffy then eases the locker back open, but there's nothing amiss to see except Xander's girly-art decorating scheme.

When Xander and Buffy enter the library, Willow jokingly asks about his shirt: "Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?" Buffy grunts and scratches her head, wondering if Xander is going to "make the signal" or if there are any stone-age technological advances left for her to discover. Xander says he had an encounter with a "locker monster," which Giles excitedly mishears as "Loch Ness monster." That's an episode I'd pay to see. Oh wait, I have cable -- I pay to see every episode. Still, I don't understand why syndicated crap like Relic Hunter has the money to shoot on location in Paris and Buffy doesn't even have the budget to shoot in, say, Las Vegas. They fill Giles in on the details, and he suggests "paranormal phenomena." Xander insists, "This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.'" Giles replies that's a "fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist," and Xander gets a warm fuzzy. They discuss the "bad boo"; Giles lectures that a poltergeist is a slacker sort of ghost who doesn't know what it wants, or how to fix its "worldly troubles." Apparently, the way to rid yourselves of a poltergeist is to work out its issues, to which Buffy replies, "Now we're Dr. Laura for the deceased." Only not so homophobic and hypocritical, I hope. Giles thoughtfully says they need to find out who the spirit was.

School at night. Bugsy the janitor mops the floor. A teacher, Ms. Frank, exits her classroom, and she and Bugsy, obviously only vague acquaintances, share a few polite words. As she walks away, Bugsy's demeanor changes and he drops the mop. He tells her he can't disappear just because she says it's over, but she insists there's no way they can be together. She says other people would never understand and that she wants him to have a normal life. He replies he's going crazy not seeing her, and she strokes his face, but says it has to be over. She turns to leave, and Bugsy runs after her and grabs her arm. They launch into dialog matching the young couple from earlier. He tries to make her say she doesn't love him, and she does. He insists, "A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody," and a gun magically appears in his hand. Bugsy points the gun at Ms. Frank, who backs away.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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