Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Inca Mummy Girl

Episode Report Card
Sars: C | 12 USERS: B
Pointless shrivel

Whatever, don't care, moving on. The Bronze. The captions say, "(indie rock)." Shut up, captions. Also, shut up, Dingoes Ate My Baby. I love Oz and all, but I've never bought the idea that he'd join a personality-free alternonymous chipster-rock outfit like Dingoes, whose "music" manages to annoy me while also having zero personality -- it reminds me of that band in Ghost World, Blueshammer. Says the girl who still owns Bryan Adams cassettes. Plural. Aaaaanyway. A bunch of costumed extras file in, Cordelia on their heels; she's kitted out in a Hawaiian-print bikini and a lei, which isn't exactly international, although I guess it's safe to assume Cordy doesn't know that Hawaii is a state, or care. "Ooh, near faux pas -- I almost wore the same thing," she snarks at someone off-camera. Naturally, that someone is Willow, looking adorably awkward and glum in an Eskimo outfit, complete with spear. Cordelia then stomps over to her geisha-attired friend and bitches some more about Sven (dressed, predictably, as a Norse something-or-other), complaining that he's like those dogs who follow you home across four states. Sven stands impassively in front of Cordy, and Geisha tries to defend him, saying that he's "kinda cute" and "maybe it's nice skipping all that small talk," but Cordy's all, "Small talk? How about simple instructions?" She turns to Sven: "Get...punchy." No response from Sven. Cordy tries again: "You! Fruit...drinky." Still nothing. Here's one for you, Cordy: Alpha...hydroxy. Yeah, I thought so. Finally, Geisha takes pity on Sven and leads him to the bar.

Onstage, Dingoes "rock" out. Loving shots of Oz and his black fingernail polish. Aw. Oz.

Xander and Ampata arrive. Ampata looks all around, taking everything in. Willow watches them sadly from inside her giant fur-trimmed hood and mumbles to herself, "Maybe I should have worn something sexy." The other two approach the table where she's standing, and Willow forces out a comment about how great they look; Ampata in turn compliments Willow's "very authentic" outfit, and Xander gestures with his cigarillo and adds, "Yeah, you look...snug." Check out the silver tongue on Harris, y'all. Not. ["Yeah, and Willow's armed, too. Shut it, git." -- CB] Willow says in a defeated tone that "that's what [she] was going for," then asks, "Where's Buffy?" Then she looks around for Buffy, but because of the giant hood, she has to turn her entire body to do it, which is pretty funny.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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