Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Out Of My Mind

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 1 USERS: B
Out Of My Mind

Last, uh, season Riley had this little behavior modification chip inside him courtesy of the Initiative, which he removed himself even though it was attached to his CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM. Also, the Initiative shot him up full of drugs. Which, in my opinion, really is the least of their crimes when compared with ruining the entire season.

Fade up on one of the bazillion cemeteries in Sunnydale. Buffy is lying in wait on top of a mausoleum. As she stands, she reveals what appear to be blue leather pants paired with a black leather jacket. This may seem innocuous enough after some of the "outfits" the "Fashion" Nazi has foisted onto us, but...leather on leather? Only post-apocalypse. Like white shoes after Labor Day (or age eight, really), this is a strict no-no. Okay, back to the action. Buffy launches herself off of the crypt and snaps into a full sprint. She reaches a fresh grave and, just as a pair of hands emerge, performs a preemptive stake. My boss would call that proactive, which should also be a stakeable offense. Buffy's quickly distracted by another rising vampire (again in a business suit) and starts fighting with him. Suddenly Riley comes barreling into the scene and takes over. Riley seems surprised to see Buffy, as he thought she was in the "north sector," and asks what she's doing there. "My job?" snarks Buffy. After Riley has dispatched that vamp, Buffy catches site of another vamp, AGAIN in a business suit. Is a vamp's fave food convention attendees? On second thought, why am I complaining? Buffy raises her stake, but then this vamp is tackled by Spike. "Why do I even bother?" mutters Buffy under her breath. Aw, is sumbuddy feewing wike she's not the center of the uniwerse? Spike takes one in the face, getting his nose bloodied, while Buffy swoops in for the kill. She shoots Spike an exasperated look and tells him to keep off of her turf. Riley backs Buffy up, and she turns her exasperated look on him. Riley doesn't catch it, but Spike does, causing him to crow merrily. Buffy tells Spike that since she just observed him taking a little nip from his own blood, she's too disgusted for conversation. She stalks off. I wonder if that's the vampiric version of masturbation?

Riley catches up with Buffy. He apologizes. She expresses concern for his safety. He wants to go find more "aerodynamic vamps," but Buffy isn't into it.

Spike watches them go balefully: "I will know your blood Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice." The hell? Has Spike been watching Danny Kaye movies on the telly? Y'all know the one I'm talking about. "The flagon with the dragon contains the brew that is true." There's also a bit about the "chalice from the palace" that I can't quite remember, because the sight of Danny Kaye in a pageboy melted the part of my brain where most rhyming couplets are stored. Spike strides off, going for "menacing," but he's derailed when he falls into an open grave. Ha! That was funny. But it would've been ten times funnier if it had happened to Angel.

Credits. Who does James Marsters have to sleep with to be billed before Michelle Trachtenberg and Emma Caulfield? Ooh! Please let it be me. C'mon, if y'all give me James I won't ask for anything else for my birthday or Christmas. What? It worked when I was ten.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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