Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Real Me

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 5 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Real Me

Cut to Dawn, eating ice cream and complaining to Xander and Anya about Buffy always getting her own way. We get it already -- each one thinks she's getting a raw deal and the other sibling has it easier. As he plays Life with Anya, Xander assures Dawn that her mother loves her equally, and teases her a little about paying Joyce to be the favorite. Dawn voice-overs crush talk about Xander and concludes that she feels that sometimes he sees her as a woman. This statement is accompanied by a shot of Dawn looking moony with chocolate ice cream all over her face. I'm glad to see the show willing to skewer her a little, because she's just on the verge of being a little too much to bear. More Dawn mocking, please! As Dawn shovels in the frozen dessert, Anya bitches that she's "burdened with a husband, several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage," but brightens up when Xander tells her that means she's winning. Anya then cracks me up by wanting to "trade in the children for more cash." A rock crashes through the window, wrapped in a note that reads, "Slayer! Come out and die," in large curly cursive. The "i" in "die" is dotted with a large happy face. Outside are Harmony and her four boys -- or rather her three boys and one follower of yet-to-be-determined gender -- armed to the gills. Seconds later, Xander leans in the doorway of the Summers' home and informs Harmony that Buffy isn't home and that she and her buddies will have to "come back and be killed by Buffy later." When Harmony explains that the other vampires are her "minions," Xander has a good laugh and then mocks the vamp, Brad, who used to beat him up in gym class for ending up as Harmony's "lapdog." Harmony snarks that she heard Xander himself was "a good little puppy for Dracula," which causes Dawn, cowering in the hall behind Anya, to shout, "Shut up!" Xander tells Dawn he's handling the situation and then snaps, "Shut up, Harmony!" They bicker about the little slap-fight they had last season, and when Harmony calls Xander a "hair-puller," Dawn shouts, "Oh yeah, come inside and say that! Xander will kick your --" Anya clamps down on Dawn's mouth, but too late, as Harmony morphs into her game face and rushes into the house, slamming Xander to the ground.

Harmony sits astride Xander, struggling getting the better of him, as Dawn scrambles upstairs. Harmony's gang of losers all try to rush inside to help, but are stopped by the mystical force that prevents their entry. Idiots. Anya rushes around looking for a weapon while Harmony punches Xander. She turns just in time to flail a fist that connects with Anya, who was planning on breaking a cheap ceramic lamp on her head. While she's preoccupied, Xander pushes her out the door with his feet and slams the door. Harmony warns them that she'll be back. Xander and Anya slide down the door to the floor, and Xander predicts that this news isn't going to please Buffy.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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