Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Reptile Boy

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 7 USERS: C-
...or are you just happy to see me?

Xander, robed and hooded, knocks on the door. Kurt answers. He's fully clothed, but you know, those frat boys don't take long. Kurt opens the door, and Xander punches him. Ram appears, but Angel takes care of him. Giles and Willow enter. In the basement, Tom hears the commotion, and dispatches some of the boys to deal with the intruders. Machida just stands there. Dude, what are you waiting for? Finally, he goes at Cordy, but Buffy manages to pull her chains out of the ceiling. She punches Machida, and starts some frat-fu. Tom swings a sword at her, but she ducks. Upstairs, Xander is beating on Kurt, Giles punches someone, and Angel is kicking nine kinds of ass. Willow, having poked her head downstairs, gives them a status report. When that doesn't have the effect she'd hoped, she screams, "Guys! Buffy! Snake! Basement! Now!" Hee. They all run downstairs. Tom calls Buffy a bitch, and tries to slice and dice her, but she makes quick work of him, then uses his sword to impale Machida. What a crappy MoTW.

Soon after, Cordy approaches Buffy. "You did it. You saved us." She veers into Angel instead, and hugs him. Heh. Half-crying, she complains that she hates the Scoobs, as "the weirdest things always happen when you're around." I detest that line -- Buffy and the Scoobs have saved her life three times prior to this, and she's always thanked them for it, or temporarily been nice to them, or both. Whatever. Cordy immediately redeems herself by grabbing Tom and telling him he's going to jail for fifteen thousand years. She leaves, and Angel leads Tom out. Buffy heads up to Giles for the inevitable lecture. Hand on hips, he points out that the words "let that be a lesson" are "a tad redundant at this juncture." Buffy says she's sorry, and he says he's sorry too. She misinterprets that comment as further criticism, and hangs her head, but Giles is to be redeemed as well: "I drive you too hard because I know what you have to face. From now on, no more pushing, no more prodding. Just an inordinate amount of nudging." Aw. They smile at each other. I knew I couldn't stay mad at you, Giles!

Bronze. Jonathan gets an oversized cup of coffee and a muffin. The camera follows him past a table where Buffy, Willow, and Xander are sitting. He gets to Cordy, and gives the cup to her. She thanks him, but then asks if he forgot something. He recites, "Cinnamon, chocolate, half-caf, nonfat...extra foam!" She smiles in assent, and he goes to remedy this grievous error. I was in a Starbucks in London recently, getting my morning coffee, and this American guy ordered some coffee drink, but he reminded the person taking the order to make it "half-caf" about eleven times. I imagined him being decapitated right in front of me. Is that wrong? She walks over to the Scoobs' table, announces that young men are the way to go, and leaves. Xander, reading a newspaper, tells Buffy and Willow that the frat boys were sentenced to consecutive life sentences. Since my suspension of disbelief died a couple of pages ago, and also since the headline of this edition reads "Fraternity Arrested," I'd point out that these guys would barely have had time to be arraigned, much less tried, convicted, and sentenced. He goes on that investigators found the bones of several missing girls at the bottom of Machida's pit, and that many companies run by Zeta Kappas are suddenly in trouble. Again, timeline? Most companies don't have daily earnings reports, to the best of my knowledge. Willow asks if Buffy has heard from Angel, and gushes about him. We see Angel come down the stairs. What was he doing up there? Buffy's eyes go wide. Xander: "Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak?" Angel arrives at the table. Xander, without a trace of self-consciousness: "Hey, man. How you doin'?" Ha! Angel: "Buffy." Buffy: "Angel." Xander, in a deep voice: "Xander." Again, ha! Angel invites her for coffee sometime. He is definitely wearing lip gloss too. What's up with that? Buffy says she'll let him know. She walks off, and smiles to herself. Sorry, but if this is supposed to be an "I choose me" moment, it falls flatter than Lana Lang's parents.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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