Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Reptile Boy

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 7 USERS: C-
...or are you just happy to see me?

In the hallway, we get a quick shot of a couple posters and pamphlets giving us the PSA that alcohol is bad, especially in conjunction with driving. That went by too quickly and wasn't completely devoid of subtlety -- do you think you could serve up an anvil in ten or fifteen minutes? Thanks. Xander looks accusingly at Buffy, who tells him to just say it. He says he won't. Willow: "You lied to Giles." Xander: "She will." Heh. But amazingly, Xander gets off scot-free for his crime. Buffy rationalizes her behavior. Blah blah blah-They-Have-Orgies,-Don't-They?-cakes. Buffy says she wants to have fun every once in a while, and that's just what she's going to do. The Ironic Segue Fairy mainlines some cocaine as the assistant calls, "Three...two...one..."

Cordy: "This isn't about fun." Neither are these transitions. Cordy dictates that Buffy isn't to wear black, silk, chiffon, or spandex, as those are her trademarks. Does "hooker chic" really qualify as a trademark? She lists some more dos and don'ts for Buffy, such as appearing interested if anyone talks to her, and gives another demonstration of the fake laugh to boot. Xander and Willow approach. Willow has gotten a Coke from the soda machine. Try as I might, I'm unable to discern if she pushed the "root beer" button. Xander test-drives some snark and again finds it sadly lacking. Cordy shows him her far superior model as she notes that he could only belong to a fraternity of rich and powerful men "in the Bizarro world." Willow smiles a bit at that. Hee. She and Xander walk to the lounge balcony. Cordy muses to Buffy, "Make-up. Well, give it your all, and keep to the shadows. We're gonna have a blast!" Buffy drops her face onto her textbook in frustration. Hee. Cordy acting like Buffy is less attractive than the hunchback of Notre Dame just never gets old for me.

On the balcony, Willow complains that Buffy lying to Giles makes her world askew. Xander: "That's not askew, that's cockeyed." Well, at least the level of intelligence that that comment displayed wasn't. Willow educates him that "askew" and "cockeyed" are synonyms. She goes on that there's nothing they can do about the Buffy situation, but Xander declares his intention to crash the party. Willow asks him if he's doing it to protect Buffy and prove himself as good as the frat boys, which he affirms. Willow: "And maybe catch an orgy?" Xander: "If it's on early." Heh.

Casa de los Meatheads. Music plays as people hang out outside the entrance. Cordy zips up, lightly rear-ending a parked car. Buffy, defying Cordy's instructions, is wearing a short black dress, while Cordy is wearing a shiny light blue floral number that makes her look like an extra in the bordello in Farewell My Concubine. A couple of speaking meatheads, who are in all likelihood destined to share some sort of drunken sex act with each other at some point in their frat experience, leer at some women. They are so obviously Kurt and Ram. A frat boy dances, which is the scariest thing that's happened so far. Cordy makes a materialistic comment, like, we get that character trait as much as we get the fact that Joey Potter's mother is dead, thanks. Richard smarms his way up and gives the girls drinks. After ascertaining that the drinks are alcoholic, Buffy declines. Richard tells her that at her age, he "wasn't into grown-up things either." I can appreciate one thing about this guy -- my hatred of him is helping me to fathom the concept of infinity. Richard asks if they've seen the "multimedia" room yet. Cordy eagerly asks him to show her. Richard actually remembers to include Buffy, but Cordy snarks that she's happiest by herself. They walk off, leaving Buffy to hold the wall up. A lonely place to be. But I learned to depend on me. Why'd I say that?

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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