Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 2 USERS: B+
Without a shadow of a doubt

But of course the Scoobies are a bunch of morons this season, so we immediately see that the Abimbomination is spending her days not in a sewer but in an expensive-looking hotel room or apartment, decorated Euro-trash circa 1996. Hey, I wonder if she's staying at the Bel Age? As the nameless one lounges on the bed trying on shoes, a craggy little obsequious demon monk is giving her a sales pitch on some sort of "dark spell." After he refers to her as "most tingly and wonderful Glorificus" she instructs him, "Please, call me Glory," and a shout of happiness rises from the west coast as Ace and I finally get a name for this character. Her non-menacing, non-threatening brand of villainy is hardly worth typing "Abimbomination" over and over. Maybe now I can finally get Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation," with "Abimbomination" substituted in the chorus, out of my head. Please. Make it stop. Glory, I can work with that. Think how many things rhyme -- borey, snorey. But, on with the recap. The scabby monk continues about how the spell has been lost for centuries, but her "elaborate marvelousness" is really only worried that her shoe makes her ankle look too skinny or bony or something. Whatever -- and shut up, Glory. Dreg assures Glory that the spell will work, provided she has some other items, and Glory says she'll get them, ripping the ad for the Magic Box out of the yellow pages. So has she given up on driving people crazy by grabbing their heads? Maybe that was just a phase. I guess we all have to grow up sometime.

Still morning. Riley approaches the Summers home and finds the front door ajar. Inside, at the bottom of the stairs, he finds a discarded blanket. As he looks curiously around, he hears a noise from upstairs and goes to investigate. We see fuzzy pink angora and hear a deep breath. Oh good lord, it's Spike. He's in Buffy's bedroom and is sniffing her sweater. That's repulsive. Uncomfortably amusing, and repulsive. I wonder if Spike's angora fetish is anything like Ed Wood's. "That's a lovely angora sweater you have, Buffy." I mean, will we see him wearing the damn thing next? Riley bursts in and surprises Spike, who tries to hide the sweater behind his back. They face off, each demanding to know what the other is doing there, and Riley finally asks, "Were you -- were you just smelling her sweater?" in disbelief. Spike tries to deny it, but then attempts to pass off his sniffing as a "predator thing." He bundles the sweater to his face and dissembles, "That's the stuff. Slayer musk. It's bitter and aggravating. Grrrr!" Damn, Marc Blucas makes James Marsters look like a tiny, tiny man. After last week's showcase it's sad, but also amusing, to see Spike reduced to an elfin laundry-stalker. Riley's had enough; he grabs the sweater away from Spike and then drags him out of the room. Spike, ever the opportunist, manages to snag a pair of Buffy's skivvies out of a drawer on the way out. Urrgh. Riley pulls Spike downs the stairs, but before Riley can throw him out, Spike starts in on some of that psychological turd-stirring he's so fond of. He tells Riley that Buffy wouldn't mind him being there and that, in fact, she spent last night buying him drinks. Riley scoffs, so Spike further reminds him that twice recently Buffy has had the "lover Wiccas" dis-invite specific vamps from the Summers home, but has never had Spike removed from the "guest list." Riley says it's because Spike is harmless, and Spike replies, "Takes one to know." He then runs with his advantage, telling Riley that while Buffy likes him okay, he's definitely not her type -- not "dark enough." Riley flexes his jaw and, losing his temper, manhandles Spike out the front door into the sunlight and demands, "Am I dark enough for you now?" He continues that he knows what Buffy needs, but Spike replies, "Oh yeah, that's why you're with her at the hospital right now, giving her what she needs?" Riley pulls Spike back inside and demands an explanation. Spike explains that Buffy took her mom to the hospital for tests and that Dawn went too. He turns the knife that he knows this and Riley doesn't, so Riley off-handedly tosses him out the front door. "Blanket! Blanket!" shouts Spike, and Riley kicks it after him. He slams the door and broods.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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