Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: C- | 1 USERS: A+

Downstairs, the other girls are of course jabbering their fool heads off in the living room. Molly is explaining to three new girls about how Annabelle panicked and ran off to be killed. Molly's terrible, garbled accent led Ace to guess that she was Australian last episode, but I think she's actually doing some sort of bastardized Cockney thing that would make even Dick Van Dyke say, "Dude, that accent sucks." So Molly's all, "Poor Annie," which causes one of the new girls, Junior Miss South-of-the-Mason-Dixon-Line, to sneer, "Great. So the Slayer who's supposed to protect us let her get killed?" I hate Junior Miss South instantly upon seeing her face. I'm shallow that way. Something about the way her forehead slopes downwards into a pug nose and totally accentuates the fact that she has tiny mouth that can barely contain her enormous, protruding buck-teeth. Her face reminds me of the moment in a horror film right when someone begins to morph into a werewolf -- all snouty with thrusting teeth. Molly defends Buffy, and Choppy, Dark-Haired New Girl reminds the others that Buffy can't do much against Notsferatu. Choppy, Dark-Haired Girl has a generic American accent, which is mercy on my ears but makes it harder to think up a nickname for her. I'll call her Miss Cincinnati, for kicks. The third new girl, a wan American redhead, says that when she arrived at the house, Buffy "still looked like a big bruise." I'm calling her Miss Minnesota, because she wears a hat later in the episode. No, there's no real logic there. I just like the alliteration. Miss South manages to stretch her lips over her giant teeth enough to drawl an inquiry about what could be holding Buffy up. Worried looks all around.

Then poor Xander interrupts from the couch nearby, asking the Junior Misses to zip it so he can get at least ninety minutes of sleep. From across the room, where he's tied to a chair facing the wall, Andrew backs Xander up and then bitches, "I'm bored. Episode One bored." But thankfully, before we have to hear any enlightening musing on how cool Yoda's light saber battle with Count Dooku was, Buffy arrives home with Rona. She introduces Rona to everyone, and Rona, with a sharp eye for the extra-unusual, wants to know why Andrew is tied to a chair. Xander wants to know why Andrew isn't gagged. You and me both, honey. Then Anya and Giles amble in from the kitchen, where they've been making out on the breakfast bar. What? It could be true -- Anya looks guilty and she's carrying a sleeping bag. They obviously weren't sleeping in the kitchen, after all. Buffy, Xander, and Giles discuss the fact that The First knew Rona was arriving in town. Buffy demands that Giles tell her how to "hurt" The First "real bad." Giles hasn't been able to come up with any good information, but does mention that the materials he saved from the Council of Watchers might be useful. Well, shouldn't someone be reading them, in that case? I know these guys don't want to do research that isn't of the simple internet-search-engine variety anymore, but I think that under the circumstances they could bestir themselves to actually read a book or two. Anya chimes in that she checked with the Sunnydale "demon community," but apparently all the demons that "didn't attack" her just didn't know anything, so she's empty-handed. They discuss whether they can come up with a method to kill Notsie, and we get a strange close-up of Andrew listening. Then he says, in an amused, speculative tone, "So Giles, with that thing guarding the entrance to the First's crypt, how will Buffy get to Spike?" Giles looks as baffled as I feel by the delivery of that line. Andrew directly addressing Giles in such a confident tone is bizarre. Oh, wait! Is this more of the "is Giles dead or isn't he" game they're trying to play with us? Eh, whatever. I've decided not to participate. As our dear President reminds us, they say in Tennessee, "Fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." And man oh man, this scene is going on way too long.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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