Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: C- | 1 USERS: A+

Miss South snouts her confusion as to why Buffy wants to help a vampire that's been killing people, and Buffy replies, "Well, he makes the best enchilada pie in California and nobody else in this gang can cook worth a damn!" No, she doesn't, because that's slightly plausible. Instead, she stutters lamely, "It's complicated, Chloe." But oops, Miss South is actually Eve; Miss Cincinnati is Chloe. So now we have names for all of the Junior Misses except the wan redhead. She doesn't look worth the effort of a name, frankly. Eve's giant scary teeth want to know if there's a plan to keep the Junior Misses from dying. No. There's no plan. Duh. Over Anya's protests, though, Giles says that they could still try "Beljoxa's Eye." "I told you no," snaps Anya. Ooooh, lovers' quarrel. She's so been whispering secrets to him during snuggly-time in the kitchen. And could this scene please be over soon? Buffy wants an explanation of what she calls "Botox's Eye," and I wish she would stop stealing my jokes already. B-Boy Eye, according to Giles, is "an oracle-type creature that exists in a dark dimension" and can only be accessed by demons. Anya snips that she's an ex-demon, and Giles reminds her that she still has some "murderous acquaintances" among Sunnydale's demons and isn't this just the cutest little lovers' quarrel? Anya protests that Botox's Eye might not have answers, but Buffy asks her to give it a shot anyway.

Yay! New scene! Oh, boo. Spike scene. Spike's chained to a wall in the First's cave, looking a little worse for wear. One of the Harbingers nearby walks over to him and swings its knife at his guts. Spike kicks out and then manages to get his legs around the Harbinger's neck, snapping it and flipping the Harbinger up into the air in a cool way I didn't notice upon first viewing. Spike then somehow breaks his arms free and defeats the other Harbinger. He runs down a corridor in the cave and encounters Buffy, smiling sweetly. He smiles back. But oops, it was all a dream. Spike's still chained up in the cave, and The First taunts him, wearing Buffy's form. First Buffy tells him that Buffy doesn't believe in him enough to face "that," and gestures to Notsie, who swans out to take a bow and then wheels away. Well, practically anyway. Damn tiny, non-threatening Notsie. Pouty First Buffy tells Spike to let go of Buffy, but then pauses because it notices that Spike is whispering, over and over, "She will come for me." "No. I won't," snots First Buffy. You know, I was just saying to myself the other day, "Self, you don't read enough sappy, cloying romance novels anymore," and along comes ME to fill that gap in my life. That's a lie. I wasn't saying that at all. This Spike/Buffy plot is just a Bizarro World version of the tale of the nearly-ravished wench held fast in the pirate's cave, waiting for the handsome, louche young marquis to come save her maidenly virtue in the nick of time. Oh, the pirate king taunts her that the Marquis cares not, but she has faith in the power of her lurve. So, hey, I just discovered I'd rather be reading Georgette Heyer than watching this crap.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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