Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: C- | 1 USERS: A+

All right. It's Pouting, Whining & Training Hour in the Summers basement. Miss Minnesota has donned her striped hat from the Gap and is doing stretches. Molly is flipping stakes; she misses one and exclaims, "Cor blimey! Lor' luv a duck!" Kennedy holds a punching bag for Chloe while Rona lounges nearby, brooding. Last, and most annoying, Eve snorts and snouts, "What are we all doing here!?" Kennedy explains that they're training and asks, "Didn't your Watcher ever teach you the word?" Rona is all, "I never had a Watcher." She goes on to explain that she was entirely ignorant of the whole Slayer gig until the Harbingers showed up on her doorstep with a pageant registration card and their sharp knives. Well, that's good, I guess. I was afraid that as the only black proto-slayer with a vaguely "urban" accent, wearing baggy overalls (the Buffyverse equivalent of sackcloth and ashes) was going to be played as "my momma was so poor we didn't have no Watcher." As it turns out, she's having some problems getting used to the supernatural subculture she's just entered. Eve argues with the group that they have no knowledge of vampires, and that any training they might do will be totally in vain. Because they all suck. Well, that's just my opinion. Eve just thinks they're all unprepared to become the next Slayer. Kennedy, who seems to be the only one trained from a young age, counters that she feels pretty prepared, actually. I wonder if Buffy should watch her back? This whole conversation is a chore to recap, because it's a lot of dialogue that doesn't tell the viewer anything new, doesn't feature any characters I remotely care about, and doesn't move the plot forward in any way. Basically, Eve, her "Southern" accent more disheveled than Courtney Love's blouse after an all-night coke bender, keeps yammering about how the Slayer will die, one of them will be called, and they won't be prepared. Poor Miss Minnesota, who still doesn't have a name, pipes up that she heard there's actually a second Slayer, and the Misses agree that that doesn't make any sense. I know -- that's why it's in the FAQ. Eve, her giant front teeth still seeking escape from her mouth, tells the Misses, "[The bad guys]'ll just run through each one of us, one after the other. Kinda creepy, huh? All we do is wait around for each other to die." Lawd a'mighty!

The Sunspot Motel. Sharp-eyed posters on the boards have noticed that this is Faith's motel from Season Three. We don't see Xander pausing to celebrate his de-virginization or anything, though. Buffy knocks on the door, but Xander, peeping in through the window (he seems like the type to have a lot of experience in that line), tells her to kick the door down. There's a female body facedown on the floor. Buffy feels the body's neck and says the girl has been dead for days. I was going to make a joke about the crappy maid service at the hotel, but then I rewound the tape and noticed that there did seem to be a Do Not Disturb sign on the room door. Damn research spoils all my fun. I can see why the Scoobies don't do it anymore. Buffy turns the body over, and it's (gasp!) Eve. My first thought upon seeing this was, "Fuckin' all right! I'm sure we won't see her beyond the end of this episode." And if that makes me evil, well, bring it on. Hey, where's the body of her Watcher, anyway? Buffy and Xander share some serious "uh oh!" looks.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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