Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Some Assembly Required

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 5 USERS: B-
...Lots Of Screaming Optional

The camera pans up a headstone to reveal Buffy sitting atop it. She bitches at the resident of the new grave to rise already as she absently, but fairly proficiently, plays with a yo-yo. How retro. I can't imagine Buffy ever having had the patience to learn how to use one, but whatever. Anyway, Buffy's startled by our resident stalker (and that's original version, not the redux of later seasons). She chews him out for scaring her, and I'm sure the fact that they have him made up to look as pale as death (heh) isn't helping matters. She says that he should make noise when approaching someone in a graveyard. "You stomp, or yodel." Maybe you should make up your mind here, honey. I've heard Angel sing. We're talking Something Wicked This Way Comes scary. Rosemary's Baby scary. Anna Nicole Smith with no make-up scary. On the other hand, I've also seen him dance, and that was one of the funniest things ever on television. And speaking of something that's both funny and scary, I've gotten through about ten seconds of the episode so far.

Anyway, Buffy complains that the vamp hasn't risen yet, but Angel says it's a little disorienting when you first awaken as a vampire. Disorientation that apparently lasts for hundreds of years in certain cases. Well, it's one explanation for the dopey looks he favors. He clumsily segues into asking her if she's there alone, saying he thought "Xander...or someone" might be there. I think Rayanne Graff was subtler than this guy. Buffy immediately picks up on the subtext, and asks if Angel's jealous. Angel gives the non-answer that Xander is just a kid. Buffy doesn't even acknowledge that, and asks if he's jealous because of the dance she and Xander shared. Angel snarks that it was more like they "mated." That's obviously a lie, since I've recapped that episode and my eyes are still intact. Buffy retorts that it was just one dance, which she only did to make Angel jealous, and notes that she was obviously successful. Angel sticks his fingers in his ears and yells, "LA LA LA! I can't hear you!" Buffy asks if vampires don't get jealous. Angel cracks me up by gritting out, "See! Whenever we fight you always bring up the vampire thing!" His delivery makes it sound like him being a vampire and her being human is just a philosophical difference between them.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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