Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tabula Rasa

Episode Report Card
Ace: B | 12 USERS: A+
The Blankest Slate

Willow and Alex return to tell of a trapdoor in the basement that leads down into the sewers. As they dash to the back room, the vamps decide that now is the time to break through the window. How nice of them to wait outside patiently for their cues. Much screaming. Alex falls to his knees before a vamp, hands clasped, and offers up a mishmash of prayers from the more popular religions, since he's not terribly sure to which he might adhere. In the middle of an "ommmm," one of the vamps knocks him out of the way to grab Randy, whom he shoves up against a bookcase. "You owe us," a henchvamp snarls at Randy. "Fine! Take your damn spikes," he retorts, fumbling to get them out of his jacket pocket. The other henchvamp is busy restraining Joan. "Get your hands off me, you son of a..." She trails off as the vamp covers her mouth. You know vamps -- they're just so darn sensitive to foul language.

Meanwhile, Randy is very confused as to why his attackers keep demanding kittens from him. Joan breaks free, kicks her opponent, cries, "Stay away from Randy!" and launches herself at the henchvamp harassing him. She "spikes" the vamp instinctively. The entire gang is wide-eyed with astonishment. Off-screen, one of the Scoobs asks Joan what she just did. "I don't know," she sputters. A slow smile creeps across her face, "But it was coooool. I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm, like, a superhero or something." Alex faints.

Joan quickly dispatches the gang. She and Randy will distract the vamps while the rest of the group navigates through the sewers to the hospital. Nobody asks how they're supposed to find the hospital at all, much less without a map or their memories, and travelling via a sewer system that is probably lacking street signs. Enya refuses to leave the shop because she's got to "protect the cash register," which just proves that greedy also goes straight to the bone. Joan agrees that Enya and Rupert should stay and see if they can work some helpful mojo. "Ready, Randy?" She turns to go. "Ready, Joan," replies Randy resolutely. A bumbling Rupert stops Randy: "Son. Come here. Uh, please," so that they can share an uncomfortable man-hug.

Randy and Joan run helter-skelter out onto the street, where the vamps have been patiently waiting this whole time. They probably got caught up in a discussion of the latest issue of The New Yorker and simply couldn't make the time to rush into the shop to grab Randy. See? There's a very clear explanation for these things if you just stop to think them through. One of the henchvamps grabs Randy and, without realizing it, Randy vamps out, throwing the henchvamp high into the air and across the street. He turns and gleefully calls to Joan, "Hey! I'm a superhero, too!" As Joan catches sight of his bumpy visage, she runs away, screaming us right into commercial.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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