Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Pack

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 10 USERS: C+
The Prat Pack

Eion Bailey. Hee.

We open at the zoo, with a shot of a sign pointing one way to the elephants, another to the reptiles, and another to the hyenas. Which one is going to be important in this episode, given its title? The camera pans down to show Buffy, clad in thigh-high boots and an ugly tan brushed-leather coat. Four teens approach her. Let me describe them in detail, as it'll make the recap clearer and easier. Plus, I'm dying to rip them to shreds. There are two boys and two girls. One boy, a blond, looks vaguely like Blake from Queer as Folk, so Blake he shall be. And I wouldn't be surprised if he were hanging out with Blake right now, if you know what I mean. One of the girls looks a bit like Fairuza Balk, only nowhere near as bitchy or scary. She'll be Balk Lite. I'm highly ashamed to say that I recognize the other girl as Jennifer Sky, sporting a blonde bowl cut. She played a recurring character on Xena for a short period, and according to the IMDb, she'll be appearing on Fastlane this fall. Poor Kim. However, the most embarrassing "credit" I can find on Sky's résumé is that she played the title character in the short-lived series Cleopatra 2525. So she'll be Miss Cleo, because it amuses me. You think I write these recaps for you? And last, and very definitely least, we have Eion Bailey. After annoying appearances on shows such as Dawson's Creek, he headlined a god-awful show called Significant Others, which I'm even more ashamed to say I saw all two episodes of. He'll be Feyon, because he feys his way through this role. And now, for an in-depth symposium entitled "Why Eion Bailey Sucks," I present to you guest lecturer Sars. ["Thank you, Couch Baron. [clears throat] Eion Bailey sucks for the following reasons: 1) He sucks. 2) We already have a Paul Rudd, one who's actually, you know, not a fugster. 3) He's a horrible actor. 4) He sucks. 5) It's called 'a razor,' Demi-Don Johnson. Get one. 6) He sucks. Here endeth the lesson." -- Sars]

Collectively, these four will be known as "The Prat Pack." I originally came up with "The Pack-thetic," but I like this better. Sars suggested the "(S)peeyack," which I like as well. I smell a poll question.

The Prat Pack starts with sad attempts at snark. Feyon's first: "Oh look, it's Buffy and all her friends." He's wearing a bright yellow collared shirt. I know it's California and all, but if they're trying to depict these four as the bad element at Sunnydale High, couldn't their clothes have been made a little edgier? They're called vintage shops, Prat Pack. Look into them. Buffy's amused until Balk Lite brings up Buffy's old school. Her face falls. They walk off, but not before Blake mock-warns them, "Careful. She might beat you up." I think he's referring to the stories that circulated about why Buffy got kicked out of Hemery. Willow and Xander rush up excitedly, and tell Buffy they saw the zebras mating. Willow: "It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!" There's a joke there somewhere, I'm sure of it. Buffy doesn't share their enthusiasm, and Xander points out that she's not really in the spirit of the trip. She whinges that they took the same trip at her old school every year. Yeah, but Buffy, this is the Sunnydale Zoo! Why waste your time with animals that have never lived on a Hellmouth? Xander points out the obvious --namely that the trip means no classes -- and Buffy perks up.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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