Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C+ | 1 USERS: B+
Triangle Xan, triangle Xan, doin' the things a triangle can

"This is very bad," voice-overs Buffy as she surveys the smashed remains of Der Zauber Kasten. Tara comes running out from the back of the store and tells Buffy that Anya and Willow are definitely missing. "Buffy," worries Tara, "something's been here and Willow's gone." Buffy and her pigtails assure Tara that they'll find Willow and then grab Tara's hand as they run out in pursuit.

On the main street of Sunnydale, Jerry the Troll smacks things around with his big hammer. "Ha ha ha! Puny receptacle," says he. Oh, okay. Heh. The people of Sunnydale are for once displaying an actual survival instinct as they run far, far away. "You do well to flee, townspeople. I will pillage your lands and dwellings, I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters." Somewhere, the Ugliest Girl in Sunnydale laughs gleefully and crows, "Choke on it, bitches!" But, "burn your crops?" The only thing that's being grown around Sunnydale are wine grapes and marijuana. Both of which will bring him much more joy once harvested. Alas, trolls are not known for their foresight. Anyway. The point here is that he's menacing and loud. And easily distracted by a whiff of "delicious ale."

Meanwhile, Xander and Spike are having a little game of pity pool. Xander snarks to Spike about his wimmen troubles. And who ever thought I'd type that sentence someday. Spike sympathizes with, "A lot of people never really got Dru." Heh. Spike again wants to get Buffy's take on the situation, because he's worried that Buffy holds the whole Riley thing against him, rather than, say, the numerous instances of him trying to kill her and/or her good friends. Mid-bitch, Jerry the Troll bumps into Spike as he passes by. Spike tells him to "watch it," but when Jerry the Troll turns around, Spike adopts a look of fear and says, "On second thought do what you like." Jerry is distracted by the kegs being wheeled to the bar and picks one up, not just with one hand but with his pinky, and bites a hole in it with his troll teeth. Yeah. Okay. I get that they're trying to show us that he has super troll-strength, but I wish they had left a bit of liquid in there or something, because that keg looks so empty. It's as obviously fake as all of the Buffy stunts and props this season.

Xander is about to go fetch Buffy, but before he can, the troll singles out him and Spike and demands to know where he can find some babies to eat. "What do you think, the hospital?" Spike suggests earnestly. Xander tries to dissuade Jerry the troll with the offer of "some roast pigs and stags and much hearty grog." "They've got this onion thing," interjects Spike, and excuse me for the next few minutes while I pick myself up off the floor. HEE! "You cannot appease me. Do not try," replies the troll. Oh, man. This is a shout-out to Sep if ever there was one. That's like her personal sigil. I'm serious! She has it on a latch-hook rug in her entryway. ["Actually, it says, 'You want a piece of me, fatboy? I'll spork your ass!' -- Sep] What? You guys know how she gets. I don't need to tell you.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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