Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C+ | 1 USERS: B+
Triangle Xan, triangle Xan, doin' the things a triangle can

Back at Der Zauber Kasten, Willow and Anya are researching Troll-Be-Gone spells. Anya ruins the moment by bringing up Willow's "theft" again. Willow reads almost verbatim every second post from the boards as she reams Anya for not knowing how to act human, despite living as one for the better part of two years. Anya protests that she loves herself just the way she is (Oh, sit on it, Anya!), and it slips out that Willow is worried that Anya will hurt Xander. Anya picks up on this and is incensed. Anya counters with…oh, forget it. I know I should care about this scene, if only for the famous, "Hello? Gay now," line, but I really, really just cannot. The Bickersons are getting on. My. Last. Nerve. And if I have to read any more whiny lines off the closed captioning, I'm going to turn this recap right around and we are going HOME. Anyway. The wonder twits have reached a "I'm not going to hurt Xander. Well, neither am I!" standoff when Jerry the Troll bursts in. I almost hope he kills the both of them for being so stupid as to stay in a location he is already familiar with, and thus likely to return to. Instead, he just throws them back behind the counter and breaks a whole bunch of stuff.

Enter Xandman, who tells Jerry that he's not touching these wimmens. Sigh. Didn't I read that Joss majored in feminist film theory? Just checking. So. Xander admirably launches himself at Jerry the Troll and his hammer, and somehow, before Xander even gets within a foot of said hammer, he's thrown back by a powerful force known as bad stunt doubling. So we have vone, vone, vone blow vith zee giant hammer. Mwa ha ha. Xander-punch, and then twoo, twoo, twoo blows vith zee giant hammer. Mwa ha ha. That one knocked him across the room. Xander gets up again and it's three, three, three blows vith zee giant hammer. Mwa ha ha. Now, I can't decide which bugs me more here -- the fact that XANDER has survived getting bonked on the noggin three times with the magic hammer that threw Buffy across the room, while Giles can fucking drum his fingers against his forehead and get knocked out; or the fact that the prop is so ludicrously lightweight that it looks like it's filled with helium and could float away at any moment. Would it have killed props to put a five-pound weight in there to give it a little realism? I don't know why I'm looking for realism in a show about blonde California teenagers and vampires, but there you have it. Okay. So Xander has impressed Jerry the Troll, who rewards him with the opportunity to chose who gets to die. Willow or Anya. Go monkey. Choose monkey. No. Of course I'm not advocating that Xander assassinate our next President. Unless it's not a crime to make a threat against him yet, because he's only President-elect? In that case, yes, yes I am. Pummel him into monkey-powder.

Commercials. Boy, the WB is getting a lot of mileage out of SMG's Golden Globe(s) nomination. They are just scrabbling for any straw of legitimacy they can get, aren't they?

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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