Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Welcome To The Hellmouth (1)

Episode Report Card
13 USERS: B+
Welcome To The Hellmouth (1)

Welcome to the very first ever episode of Buffy. Let's get to it.

Sunnydale High School at night. From a first-person perspective we zoom around the corner towards the library, then down a corridor and into a darkened science classroom towards a window. Suddenly, a fist breaks through the glass and wrestles the lock open. A boy opens the window and starts to climb through, and his blonde companion questions if breaking and entering is a good idea. I could pretend that I don't know that the blonde girl's name is Darla and that she's a vampire, but since I'm sure that knowledge won't come as a surprise to anyone reading this, I won't. Anyway, Soon-To-Be-Dead Boy reassures Darla that it's a "great" idea and clambers over the windowsill. Out in the hallway, STBDB is taking Darla up to the top of the gym because they can see all of Sunnydale from that vantage point. First of all, I'm so sure he's really going up there for the view, and secondly, gyms aren't that tall. Sunnydale must be even more pathetic of a town than I thought. Darla declines to go up to the roof, and STBDB assumes that she just can't wait to get her mitts on his sexay high-school-dropout "assets." For that reason alone, I'm not feeling too choked up about his imminent demise. He leans in for a kiss, but Darla hears a noise and spins around. I must say she's doing a pretty convincing job of portraying a ditzy frightened blonde. The first time I saw this episode, I was fooled. STBDB gives her a hard time about being scared, but then reassures her that they are alone. She asks him if he's sure, and he reiterates it. "Okay," says Darla, who is facing away from him, looking for an intruder. Then she spins around with her game face on and settles down for a midnight snack.

Credits. Whatever happened to the "One Girl in All the World" voiceover? Wait, wasn't Xander's hair supposed to be "bad" in the first season? It certainly looks better than the monstrosity it's been this past season. I'd like to give him a magical mirror into the future so he can avert his bad hair and wardrobe decisions. Hell, even a regular mirror would do it.

In bed, Buffy rolls around dreaming of a large candlelit cavern, vampires, and other things of that ilk. She awakens sporting more makeup than I wear in a week. From downstairs, Joyce calls for Buffy to get up.

Exterior shot of Sunnydale High. Remember ska? It's blasting in the background as various students converge upon the school. Joyce's green SUV pulls up in front; inside, Joyce gives Buffy a mini pep-talk and asks her to please not get kicked out of her new school. Check Buffy out -- she was much cuter when she was a brunette and didn't have so many sharp corners. I also forgot that she used to wear skirts roughly the size of beer cozies.

Xander's zooming down the sidewalk on his skateboard, which we'll never see again. And it might be a good thing too, because when he catches sight of Buffy in her kinderwhore gear, he loses his concentration and runs into the metal railing on the stairs. Luckily Willow, dressed in full-on season-one nerd gear, is the only one to take note of his clumsiness. Remember Willow's hair before they started giving her those red fright-wig rinses? Xander says hello and then tells her that he's having problems with his math homework. She wants to know which part and he replies, "The math." He begs Willow to help him, and she agrees, but tells him to check out "Theories in Trig." Like Xander would even be IN a trig class as a sophomore. "Check it out?" repeats Xander quizzically. Willow explains that he needs to go to the library, "where the books live." Jesse approaches them with news of the new girl, and Xander asks what information he has about Buffy. "New girl," shrugs Jesse. Now that is the type of friend Xander would have. I always thought Willow was way too smart for him.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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